Book Reviews

Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins -Book Notes, Summary, and Review

8. Awaken The Giant Within- Tony Robbins

Get it on Amazon

Rating: 9/10

Date of reading: 7th – 21st of February, 2017

Description: Half biography- half life tutorial from the greatest self-help guru who ever lived on the planet. You will learn everything from how to communicate with others, to setting your own values, to carefully using words to put yourself in (or out) of the desired state. 

 

My notes:

 

PART ONE:
DREAMS OF DESTINY

 

“As I looked out on my audience and saw 5,000 smiling, cheering, loving faces, in that moment I realized that I am living my dream!” ( :4)

“I gave my all at the seminar that night, and when I left the auditorium, crowds of people followed me to the helicopter to see me off. To say I was deeply moved by the experience would be an understatement. A tear slid down my cheek as I thanked my Creator for these wonderful gifts. As I lifted off the grass and ascended into the moonlight, I had to pinch myself. Could this be real? Am I the same guy who eight years ago was struggling, frustrated, feeling alone and incapable of making my life work? Fat, broke, and wondering if I could even survive? How could a young kid like me with nothing but a high school education have created such dramatic changes?” ( :4)

“Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life eight years ago, I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming.” ( :6)

“Changing an organization, a company, a country—or a world—begins with the simple step of changing yourself.” ( :6)

“Empowering beliefs—this sense of certainty—is the force behind any great success throughout history.” ( :7)

“In order to keep your commitment, you need the best strategies for achieving results. One of my core beliefs is that if you set a higher standard, and you can get yourself to believe, then you certainly can figure out the strategies. You simply will find a way. Ultimately, that’s what this whole book is about. It shows you strategies for getting the job done,” ( :7)

“You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know.” ( :7)

“5 percent of the world’s population lives in the United States, we consume more than 50 percent of the world’s cocaine?” ( :8)

“Then, as you achieve mastery of this all-important skill, you will learn how to connect with people at the deepest level and be rewarded with something we all want to experience: a sense of contribution, of knowing that we have made a difference in other people’s lives.” ( :10)

“you will first learn how to change what causes scarcity in your life, and then how to experience on a consistent basis the values, beliefs, and emotions that are essential to experiencing wealth and holding on to it and expanding it. Then you’ll define your goals and shape your dreams with an eye toward achieving the highest possible level of well-being, filling you with peace of mind and freeing you to look forward with excitement to all the possibilities that life has to offer.” ( :10)

“the patience to experience “lag time,” and the flexibility to change your approach as often as needed. Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year—and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!” ( :11)

“The Ayatollah Khomeini had come to power in Iran and held our fellow Americans hostage. In Poland, an electrician from the Gdansk shipyards named Lech Walesa did the unthinkable: he decided to take a stand against the Communist hold. He led his co-workers in a strike, and when they tried to lock him out of his place of work, he simply climbed over the wall. A lot of walls have come down since then, haven’t they?” ( :13)

“confidence and therefore my ability to take action and produce measurable results. I also used it to take back control of my physical well-being and permanently rid myself of thirty-eight pounds of fat. Through it, I attracted the woman of my dreams, married her, and created the family I desired. I used this power to change my income from subsistence level to over $1 million a year. It moved me from my tiny apartment (where I was washing my dishes in the bathtub because there was no kitchen) to my family’s current home, the Del Mar Castle.” ( :14)

“More than anything else, I believe it’s our decisions, not the conditions of our lives, that determine our destiny. You and I both know that there are people who were born with advantages: they’ve had genetic advantages, environmental advantages, family advantages, or relationship advantages.” ( :15)

“”I’m interested in having this happen, if I don’t have to do anything.” That’s not power! It’s a weak prayer made without even the faith to launch it.” ( :15)

“Unfortunately, most people never do this because they’re too busy making excuses. The reason they haven’t achieved their goals or are not living the lives they desire is because of the way their parents treated them, or because of the lack of opportunities that they experienced in their youth, or because of the education they missed, or because they’re too old, or because they’re too young. All of these excuses are nothing but B.S. (Belief Systems)! And they’re not only limiting, they’re destructive.” ( :15)

“Ed Roberts. He is an “ordinary” man confined to a wheelchair who became extraordinary by his decision to act beyond his apparent limitations. Ed has been paralyzed from the neck down since he was fourteen years old. He uses a breathing device that he’s mastered against great odds to lead a “normal” life by day, and he spends every night in an iron lung. Having fought a battle against polio, several times almost losing his life, he certainly could have decided to focus on his own pain, but instead chose to make a difference for others.” ( :17)

“I’m here to tell you that it’s not important initially to know how you’re going to create a result. What’s important is to decide you will find a way, no matter what.” ( :18)

“1) Decide what you want, 2) Take action, 3) Notice what’s working or not, and 4) Change your approach until you achieve what you want.” ( :18)

“Making a true decision means committing to achieving a result, and then cutting yourself off from any other possibility.” ( :18)

“Information is power when it’s acted upon,” ( :19)

“he reason I read over 700 books, listened to tapes, and went to so many seminars is that I understood the power of a single distinction. It might be on the next page or in the next chapter of this book. It might even be something you already know. But for some reason, this is the time it finally sinks in and you begin to use it. Remember that repetition is the mother of skill. Distinctions empower us to make better decisions and, therefore, create the results that we desire for ourselves.” ( :19)

“The three decisions that control your destiny are: 1. Your decisions about what to focus on. 2. Your decisions about what things mean to you. 3. Your decisions about what to do to create the results you desire.” ( :20)

“Remember: Success truly is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result of experience, and experience is often the result of bad judgment! Those seemingly bad or painful experiences are some times the most important. When people succeed, they tend to party; when they fail, they tend to ponder, and they begin to make new distinctions that will enhance the quality of their lives. We must commit to learning from our mistakes, rather than beating ourselves up, or we’re destined to make the same mistakes again in the future.” ( :22)

“I became an excellent public speaker because, rather than once a week, I booked myself to speak three times a day to anyone who would listen. While others in my organization had forty-eight speaking engagements a year, I would have a similar number within two weeks. Within a month, I’d have two years of experience. And within a year, I’d have a decade’s worth of growth. My associates talked about how “lucky” I was to have been born with such an “innate” talent. I tried to tell them what I’m telling you now: mastery takes as long as you want it to take. By the way, were all of my speeches great?” ( :22)

“goal. Finally, after two more years, Toyota gave Mr. Honda the contract he’d dreamed of. His passion and belief paid off because he had known what he wanted, taken action, noticed what was working, and kept changing his approach until he got what he wanted. Then a new problem arose. The Japanese government was gearing up for war, and they refused to give him the concrete that was necessary to build his factory. Did he quit there? No. Did he focus on how unfair this was? Did it mean to him that his dream had died? Absolutely not.” ( :23)

“dream had died? Absolutely not. Again, he decided to utilize the experience, and developed another strategy. He and his team invented a process for creating their own concrete and then built their factory. During the war, it was bombed twice, destroying major portions of the manufacturing facility. Honda’s response? He immediately rallied his team, and they picked up the extra gasoline cans that the U.S. fighters had discarded. He called them “gifts from President Truman” because they provided him with the raw materials he needed for his manufacturing process—materials that were unavailable at the time in Japan. Finally, after surviving all of this, an earthquake leveled his factory. Honda decided to sell his piston operation to Toyota.” ( :23)

“Today, the Honda Corporation employs over 100,000 people in both the United States and Japan and is considered one of the biggest car-making empires in Japan, outselling all but Toyota in the United States.” ( :24)

“THE CRYSTAL BALL CRACKED . . . The followings are actual rejection notices received for these famous—and incredibly successful— books. Animal Farm, by George Orwell “It is impossible to sell animal stories in the U.SA” The Diary of Anne Frank, by Anne Frank “The girl doesn’t, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling which would lift that book above the ‘curiosity’ level.” Lord of the Flies, by William Golding “It does not seem to us that you have been wholly successful in working out an admittedly promising idea.” Lady Chatterley’s Lover, by D.H. Lawrence “For your own good do not publish this book.” Lust for Life, by living Stone “A long, dull novel about an artist.”” ( :24)

“As a society, we’re so focused on instantaneous gratification that our short-term solutions often become long-term problems.” ( :25)

“beautiful as she. What this meant to him was that his life was over, so he decided to commit suicide. Fortunately, before doing so, he reconsidered his options and decided instead to check into a mental institution. Spending time there gave him some new references about what real problems were. He later recalled saying, “Ohh, I’ll never get that low again.” He now declares, “It was one of the best things I ever did because I’ve never gotten to feel sorry for myself, no matter what’s happened. Any problem since then is nothing compared with what I’ve seen other people go through.”* By renewing his commitment and following his dream long-term, he eventually had all that he wanted. His name? Billy Joel.” ( :25)

“One belief that I’ve developed to carry me through extremely tough times is simply this: God’s delays are not God’s denials. Often, what seems impossible in the short term becomes very possible in the long term if you persist. In order to succeed, we need to discipline ourselves to consistently think long term.” ( :26)

“5. Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach. Once you’ve decided who you want to be as a person, for example, don’t get stuck on the means to achieving it. It’s the end you’re after. Too often, in deciding what they want for their lives, people pick the best way they know at the time—they make a map—but then don’t stay open to alternate routes. Don’t become rigid in your approach. Cultivate the art of flexibility.” ( :27)

“6. Enjoy making decisions. You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place.” ( :27)

“I decided to do a seminar in Denver, Colorado. That decision caused me to meet a lady named Becky. Her last name now is Robbins, and she is definitely one of the greatest gifts of my life. On that same trip, I decided to write my first book, which is now published in eleven languages around the world. A few days later, I decided to conduct a seminar in Texas, and after working for a week to fill my own program, the promoter didn’t pay me for the event—he skipped town. The obvious person to talk to was the public relations agent he had hired, a woman who had similar woes. That woman became my literary agent and helped to get that first book published. As a result, I have the privilege of sharing this story with you today.” ( :27)

“remember that, in the final analysis, everything you’ve read in this book is worthless . . . every other book you’ve read or tape you’ve heard or seminar you’ve attended is worthless . . . unless you decide to use it.” ( :28)

“Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.” ( :29)

“After all, what is procrastination? It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it. Why not? The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off. Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done7 What happened?” ( :30)

“For most people, the fear of loss is much greater than the desire for gain. Which would drive you more: keeping someone from stealing the $100,000 you’ve earned over the last five years, or the potential of earning $100,000 in the next five? The fact is that most people would work much harder to hang on to what they have than they would to take the risks necessary to get what they really want from their lives.” ( :30)

“emotional threshold. If you’ve ever been in a destructive relationship and finally made the decision to use your personal power, take action and change your life, it was probably because you hit a level of pain you weren’t willing to settle for anymore. We’ve all experienced those times in our lives when we’ve said, “I’ve had it—never again—this must change now.” This is the magical moment when pain becomes our friend.” ( :31)

“It’s absolutely true that their values lie at opposite ends of the spectrum, but they’re both driven by pain and pleasure.” ( :32)

“contrast, look at Mother Teresa. Here’s a woman who cares so deeply that when she sees other people in pain, she also suffers. Seeing the injustice of the caste system wounded her. She discovered that when she took action to help these people, their pain disappeared, and so did hers. For Mother Teresa, the ultimate meaning of life can be found in one of the most impoverished sections of Calcutta, the City of Joy,” ( :32)

“She learned that putting yourself on the line for others is the highest good; it gives her a sense that her life has true meaning.” ( :32)

“Beer, though, was another story. When I was about eleven or twelve, I didn’t consider it an alcoholic drink. After all, my dad drank beer, and he didn’t get that “obnoxious” or disgusting. In fact, he seemed to be a little more fun when he’d had a few beers. Plus, I linked pleasure to drinking because I wanted to be just like Dad. Would drinking beer really make me like Dad? No, but we frequently create false associations in our nervous systems (neuro-associations) as to what will create pain or pleasure in our lives.” ( :33)

“I no longer had an intellectual association to what drinking beer meant. I now had an emotional association in my nervous system, a gut-level neuro-association— one that would clearly guide my future decisions. As a result, I’ve never had even a sip of beer since!” ( :34)

“How do we do this? Let’s say, for example, you want to keep your children off drugs. The time to reach them is before they experiment and before someone else teaches them the false association that drugs equal pleasure.” ( :34)

“he minute we walked in, my children were assaulted by the stench of urine-soaked floors, the sight of addicts shooting up heedless of who was watching, child prostitutes soliciting passers-by, and the sound of neglected, crying children. Mental, emotional, and physical devastation is what my kids learned to link to drugs. That was four-and-a-half years ago. While they have all been exposed to drugs many times since, they have never touched them. These powerful neuro-associations have significantly shaped their destinies.” ( :35)

“”If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” MARCUS AURELIUS” ( :35)

“They have converted the discomfort of discipline into the satisfaction of personal growth. This is why their behavior is consistent, as are their results!” ( :35)

“9* Skinnerian box” and take control. But if we fail to direct our own associations to pain and pleasure, we’re living no better than animals or machines,” ( :35)

“If you’re single, do you look upon marriage wistfully as a joyous adventure with your life’s mate, or do you dread it as a heavy ball and chain? As you sit down to dinner tonight, do you consume food matter-of-factly as an opportunity to refuel your body, or do you devour it as your sole source of pleasure?” ( :36)

“ntellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it. Why? Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems.” ( :36)

“Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.” ( :36)

“any time we’re in an intense emotional state, when we’re feeling strong sensations of pain or pleasure, anything unique that occurs consistently will become neurologically linked.” ( :37)

“What does Pavlov have to do with Pepsi? First, Pepsi used Michael Jackson to get us in a peak emotional state. Then, at that precise moment, they flashed the product. Continuous repetitions of this created an emotional linkage for millions of Jackson’s fans. The truth is that Michael Jackson doesn’t even drink Pepsi! And he wouldn’t even hold an empty Pepsi can in his hand on camera! You might wonder, “Isn’t this company crazy? They hired a guy for $15 million to represent them who doesn’t even hold their product, and tells everybody that he won’t! What kind of spokesperson is this? What a crazy idea!” Actually, it was a brilliant idea. Sales went through the roof—so high that LA. Gear then hired Michael for $20 million to represent their product. And today, because he’s able to change the way people feel (he’s what I call a “state inducer”) he and Sony/CBS just signed a 10-year recording contract that’s reputed to be worth more than $1 billion. His ability to change people’s emotional states makes him invaluable.” ( :37)

“As people watched the hip little raisins dance, they linked strong feelings of fun, humor, and pleasure to the once boring fruit. The raisin had been reinvented as the essence of California cool, and the unspoken message of each of these ads was that if you ate them you’d be hip, too. The upshot? The raisin industry was rescued from its devastating slump in sales to a 20 percent growth factor annually.” ( :38)

“Through repetition and emotional intensity, you can condition these behaviors within yourself until they are automatic.” ( :39)

“Yet, in order to succeed, most of the things that we value require us to be able to break through the wall of short-term pain in order to have long-term pleasure.” ( :40)

“By this time, the banks had lost their corporate customers en masse, they had lost the market for a great deal of their car loans, and they had begun to lose the home loans as well. The final slap to the banks was that the depositors, in response to inflation, needed a higher rate of return while the banks were still carrying loans that would yield significantly lower interest rates. Every day, the banks were losing money; they saw their survival at stake and decided to do two things. First, they lowered their standards for qualifying customers for loans. Why? Because they believed that if they didn’t lower their standards, there would be no one to loan money to. And if they didn’t loan money, they couldn’t profit, and they’d clearly have pain. If, however, they were able to loan money to someone who paid them back, they’d have pleasure.” ( :41)

“pain. If, however, they were able to loan money to someone who paid them back, they’d have pleasure. Plus, there was very little risk. If they loaned money and the lendee didn’t meet the obligation, then the taxpayers, namely you and I, would bail them out anyway.” ( :41)

“Why? They did exactly what we taught them: we encouraged them to be gamblers with the Federal Deposit Insurance, promising that if they won, they won big, and if they failed, we would pick up the tab. There was simply too little pain in this scenario for the banker.” ( :42)

“It’s because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they’re already experiencing. It’s like the old proverbs say: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know,” “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”” ( :43)

“remember is that we don’t move away from real pain; we move away from what we believe will lead to pain.” ( :43)

“cost you over the next two, three, four, five years? What’s it going to cost you emotionally? What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image? What will it cost you in your physical energy level? What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem? What will it cost you financially? What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most? How does that make you feel? Don’t just say, “It will cost me money” or “I will be fat.” That’s not enough. You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions. So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level of success.” ( :44)

“He was bitter and cruel, an alcoholic and drug addict who almost killed himself several times. Today he serves a life sentence in prison for the murder of a liquor store cashier who “got in his way.” He has two sons, born a mere eleven months apart, one of whom grew up to be “just like Dad”: a drug addict who lived by stealing and threatening others until he, too, was put in jail for attempted murder. His brother, however, is a different story: a man who’s raising three kids, enjoys his marriage, and appears to be truly happy. As regional manager for a major national concern, he finds his work both challenging and rewarding. He’s physically fit, and has no alcohol or drug addictions! How could these two young men have turned out so differently, having grown up in virtually the same environment? Both were asked privately, unbeknownst to the other, “Why has your life turned out this way?” Surprisingly, they both provided the exact same answer: “What else could I have become, having grown up with a father like that?”” ( :45)

“Two men are shot down in Vietnam and imprisoned in the infamous Hoa Lo prison. They are isolated, chained to cement slabs, and continuously beaten with rusty shackles and tortured for information. Yet although these men are receiving the same abuse, they form radically different beliefs about their experience. One man decides that his life is over, and in order to avoid any additional pain, commits suicide. The other pulls from these brutalizing events a deeper belief in himself, his fellow man, and his Creator than he’s ever had before. Captain Gerald Coffee uses his experience of this to remind people all over the world of the power of the human spirit to overcome virtually any level of pain, any challenge, or any problem.” ( :45)

“to this new adventure in mastery, scaling some of the highest peaks in the world, until today, in her nineties, Hulda Crooks has become the oldest woman to ascend Mount Fuji.” ( :46)

“1) Will this mean pain or pleasure? 2) What must I do now to avoid pain and/or gain pleasure?” ( :46)

“Unfortunately, generalizations in more complex areas of our lives can oversimplify and sometimes create limiting beliefs.” ( :46)

“1) most of us do not consciously decide what we’re going to believe; 2) often our beliefs are based on misinterpretation of past experiences; and 3) once we adopt a belief, we forget it’s merely an interpretation.” ( :46)

“Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally10 save their lives.” ( :47)

“”Because of this, I raped11, will help others. Because I was no one else will be harmed again.” Or, “Because I lost my son or daughter, I will make a difference in the world.”” ( :47)

“horrors of Auschwitz and other concentration camps. Franki noted that those special few who were able to make it through this “hell on earth” shared one thing in common: they were able to endure and transform their experience by finding an empowering meaning for their pain. They developed the belief that because they suffered and survived, they would be able to tell the story and make certain that no human being would ever suffer this way again. Beliefs are not limited to impacting our emotions or actions.” ( :47)

“Studies document such remarkable occurrences as patients’ eye color actually changing as their personality changes, or physical marks disappearing and reappearing! Even diseases such as diabetes or high blood pressure come and go depending on the person’s belief as to which personality they’re manifesting. Beliefs even have the capacity to override the impact of drugs on the body. While most people believe that drugs heal, studies in the new science of psychoneuroimmunology (the mindbody relationship) have begun to bear out what many others have suspected for centuries: our beliefs about the illness and its treatment play as significant a role, maybe an even more significant role, than the treatment itself.” ( :47)

“As Dr. Beecher later stated, a drug’s usefulness “is a direct result of not only the chemical properties of the drug, but also the patient’s belief in the usefulness and effectiveness of the drug.”” ( :48)

“Global beliefs are the giant beliefs we have about everything in our lives: beliefs about our identities, people, work, time, money, and life itself, for that matter. These giant generalizations are often phrased as is/am/are: “Life is . . .” “I am . . .” “People are …” As” ( :48)

“Most people treat a belief as if it’s a thing, when really all it is is a feeling of certainty about something.” ( :49)

“Let me offer you a simple metaphor to describe the process. If you can think of an idea as being like a tabletop with no legs, you’ll have a fair representation of why an idea doesn’t feel as certain as a belief. Without any legs, that tabletop won’t even stand up by itself. Belief, on the other hand, has legs. If you really believe, “I’m sexy,” how do you know you’re sexy? Isn’t it true that you have some references to support the idea—some experiences in life to back it up? Those are the legs that make your tabletop solid, that make your belief certain.” ( :49)

“experiences in life—references—to back up the idea that if you really care about people and treat them well, they are basically good and will want to help you too? The question is: which one of these beliefs is the true belief? The answer is that it doesn’t matter which one is true. What matters is which one is most empowering. We all can find someone to back up our belief and make us feel more solid about it. This is how human beings are able to rationalize.” ( :49)

“By the same token, we have the ability to use imagined references to propel us in the direction of our dreams. People can succeed if they imagine something vividly enough just as easily as if they had the actual experiences.” ( :50)

“experiences. That’s because our brains can’t tell the difference between something we’ve vividly imagined and something we’ve actually experienced. With enough emotional intensity and repetition, our nervous systems experience something as real, even if it hasn’t occurred yet.” ( :50)

“Do you know the story of the four-minute mile? For thousands of years, people held the belief that it was impossible for a human being to run the mile in less than four minutes. But in 1954, Roger imposing15 Bannister broke this belief barrier. He got himself to achieve the “impossible” not merely by rehearsing16 physical practice but by constantly the event in his mind, breaking through the four-” ( :50)

“minute barrier so many times with so much emotional intensity that he created vivid references that became an unquestioned command to his nervous system to produce the result. Many people don’t realize, though, that the greatest aspect of his breakthrough was what it did for others. It had seemed no one would ever be able to break a four-minute mile, yet within one year of Roger’s breaking the barrier, 37 other runners also broke it. His experience provided them with references strong enough to create a sense of certainty that they, too, could “do the impossible.” And the year after that, 300 other runners did the same thing!” ( :51)

“Most people who constantly say, “Let’s be realistic,” are really just living in fear, deathly afraid of being disappointed again. Out of that fear, they develop beliefs that cause them to hesitate, to not give their all—consequently they get limited results. Great leaders are rarely “realistic.”” ( :51)

“Gandhi believed he could gain autonomy for India without violently opposing Great Britain—something that had never been done before.” ( :51)

“In fact many studies have focused on the differences between people who are depressed and people who are extremely optimistic. After attempting to learn a new skill, the pessimists are always more accurate about how they did, while the optimists see their behavior as being more effective than it actually was.” ( :51)

“These beliefs strip us of our personal power and destroy our ability to act. In psychology, there is a name for this destructive mindset: learned helplessness.” ( :52)

“Achievers rarely, if ever, see a problem as permanent, while those who fail see even the smallest problems as permanent.” ( :52)

“Eight years ago, when I had hit rock bottom and despaired of ever turning things around, I thought my problems were permanent. That was the closest thing to emotional death I’ve ever experienced. I learned to link so much pain to holding that belief that I was able to destroy it, and I’ve never indulged in it again. You must do the same.” ( :52)

“An achiever never sees a problem as being pervasive, that is, that one problem controls their whole life. They always see it as, “Well, it’s just a little challenge with my eating pattern.” They don’t see it as, “I’m the problem. Because I overeat, my whole life is destroyed.” Conversely, those who are pessimistic—those who have learned helplessness—have developed a belief that because they screwed up in one area, they are a screw-up!” ( :53)

“to associate massive pain to the old belief.” ( :53)

“If you’re really honest with yourself, aren’t there some beliefs that you used to defend heart and soul years ago that you’d be almost embarrassed to admit to today?” ( :54)

“and of itself doesn’t guarantee a change in belief. People can have an experience that runs directly counter to their belief, yet reinterpret it any way they want in order to bolster their conviction.” ( :54)

“New experiences trigger change only if they cause us to question our beliefs. Remember, whenever we believe something, we no longer question it in any way.” ( :54)

“was deliberately designed to slow down the human typist at a time when typewriter pans moved so slowly that they would jam if the operator typed too fast.” ( :55)

“Why have we clung to the QWERTY keyboard for 120 years? In 1882, when almost everyone typed with the hunt-and-peck method,” ( :55)

“If you question anything enough, eventually you’ll begin to doubt it.” ( :55)

“I’ve classified beliefs into three categories: opinions, beliefs, and convictions.” ( :55)

“Probably the single biggest factor separating belief and conviction, though, is that a conviction has usually been triggered by significant emotional events, during which the brain links up, “Unless I believe this, I will suffer massive pain.” ( :56)

“One of the challenges with convictions is that they’re often based on other people’s enthusiasm for your beliefs. So often people believe something because everybody else believes it. This is known in psychology as social proof.” ( :57)

“Sometimes even the evidence of your senses can’t be trusted, as the story of Copernicus illustrates. In the days of this seminal Polish astronomer, everyone knew that the sun moved around the earth. Why? Because anyone could walk outside, point to the sky and say, “See? The sun has moved across the sky. Obviously the earth is the center of the universe.” But in 1543 Copernicus developed the first accurate model of our sun-based solar system. He, like other giants through the ages, had the courage to challenge the “wisdom” of the experts, and eventually the truth of his theories gained acceptance in the general populace, although not during his lifetime.” ( :58)

“It’s vital to examine our beliefs, and their consequences, to make sure that they’re empowering us. How do you know what beliefs to adopt? The answer is to find someone who’s producing the results you truly want in your life. These people are the role models who can give you some of the answers you seek. Invariably, behind all successful people lies a specific set of empowering beliefs.” ( :59)

“It’s powerful, it’s fun, and these people are available all around you. It’s just a matter of asking questions: “What do you believe makes you different? What are the beliefs you have that separate you from others?” Years ago I read a book called Meetings with Remarkabk Men, and used that as a theme to shape my life.” ( :59)

“As the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer stated, all truth goes through three steps.” ( :60)

“First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. evident26. Finally, it is accepted as self-” ( :60)

“The core belief, simply, is this: a constant, never-ending commitment to consistently increase the quality of their business every single day would give them the power to dominate the markets of the world.” ( :61)

“core belief, simply, is this: a constant, never-ending commitment to consistently increase the quality of their business every single day would give them the power to dominate the markets of the world. Doming taught that quality was not just a matter of meeting a certain standard, but rather was a living, breathing process of never-ending improvement. If the Japanese would live by the principles that he taught, he promised them, within five years they would flood the world with quality products and within a decade or two become one of the world’s dominant economic powers.” ( :61)

“Many thought Deming’s proclamations were crazy. But the Japanese took him at his word, and today he is revered as the father of the “Japanese miracle.” In fact, each year since 1950, the highest honor a Japanese company can receive is the National Deming Prize. This award is given on national television and is used to acknowledge the company that represents the highest level of increases in quality of products, service, management, and worker support throughout Japan.” ( :61)

“Why did this Japanese company hold themselves to a higher standard of quality than even their contract required? They believed that quality costs less, that if they created a quality product they would not just have satisfied customers but loyal customers—customers who would be willing to wait in line and pay more money for their product. They were operating from the same core belief that propelled them to one of the top market positions in the world: a commitment to never-ending improvement and a constant increase in the quality of life for their customers. This belief was an American export—one I believe we need to repatriate in order to change the direction of our economic future.” ( :62)

“costs. How? He fired two-thirds of the engineering staff. In the short term, it looked like he’d made the right decision. Profitability shot up, and he was dubbed a hero. But within a few years Chrysler was again in financial straits. What happened? Well, there certainly wasn’t any one factor. But in the long term, the decisions Townsend made may have been destroying the basis of quality upon which the company’s success depended. Often the very people who are injuring our companies are rewarded because they produce results in the short term. Sometimes we treat the symptoms of a problem while we nurture the cause. We’ve got to be careful how we interpret results. By contrast, one of the most important factors in turning Ford Motor Company around was their design staff, who came up with a new car called the Taurus. The quality of that car set a new standard for Ford, and consumers bought it in droves.” ( :62)

“In Japan, they understand this principle well. In fact, in Japanese businesses, as a result of Deming’s influence, there is a word that is used constantly in discussions about business or relationships. That word is kaizen.” ( :63)

“What have I learned today? What did I contribute or improve? What did I enjoy? If every day you constantly improve your ability to enjoy your life, then you’ll experience it at a level of richness most people never even dream of.” ( :64)

“• If-then beliefs like, “If I consistently give my all, then I will succeed,” or “If I’m totally passionate with this person, then they’ll leave me” ( :65)

“It was the belief “There’s always a way to turn things around if I’m committed.”” ( :65)

“1. How is this belief ridiculous or absurd? 2. Was the person I learned this belief from worth modeling in this area? 3. What will it ultimately cost me emotionally if I don’t let go of this belief? 4. What will it ultimately cost me in my relationships if I don’t let go of this belief? 5. What will it ultimately cost me physically if I don’t let go of this belief? 6. What will it ultimately cost me financially if I don’t let go of this belief? 7. What will it cost my family/loved ones if I don’t let go of this belief?” ( :66)

“So right now, write down the replacements for the two limiting beliefs you’ve just eliminated.” ( :66)

“of. Do you truly want to harness the power to create the vision you want rather than destroy your dreams? Then learn to choose the beliefs that empower you; create convictions that drive you in the direction of the destiny that calls to the highest within you. Your family, your business, your community, and your country deserve no less.” ( :67)

“Marva Collins. You may have seen the 60 Minutes program or the movie that was made about her. Thirty years ago, Marva utilized her personal power and decided to touch the future by making a real difference in the lives of children. Her challenge: when she got to her first teaching job in what many considered to be a ghetto of Chicago, her second-grade students had already decided that they didn’t want to learn anything. Yet Marva’s mission is to touch these children’s lives. She doesn’t have a mere belief that she can impact them; she has a passionate, deeprooted conviction that she will influence them for good.” ( :67)

“children, but the way they were being taught. No one was challenging them enough. As a result, these kids had no belief in themselves. They had no references of ever being pushed to break through and find out who they really were or what they were capable of.” ( :67)

“”See Spot run,” and instead taught Shakespeare, Sophocles, and Tolstoy. All the other teachers said things like, “There’s no way it can happen. There’s no way these kids can understand that.” And as you might guess, many of them attacked Marva personally, saying that she was going to destroy these children’s lives.” ( :67)

“The first young man I met was four years old, with a smile that would knock your socks off. I shook his hand. “Hi, I’m Tony Robbins.” “Hello, Mr. Robbins, my name is Talmadge E. Griffin. I am four years old. What would you like to know?!” “Well, Talmadge, tell me, what are you studying these days?” “I’m studying a lot of things, Mr. Robbins.” “Well, what books have you read recently?” “I just finished reading Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck.” Needless to say, I was pretty impressed. I asked him what the book was about, figuring he’d say something like it was about two guys named George and Lenny. He said, “Well, the main protagonist is …” By this time I was a believer! Then I asked him what he had learned from the book. permeated28 “Mr. Robbins, I more than learned from this book. This book my soul.” I started to laugh, and asked, “What does ‘permeate’ mean?” “To diffuse through,” he said, then gave me a fuller definition than I could give you. “What touched you so much in this book, Talmadge?”” ( :68)

“”Mr. Robbins, I noticed in the story that the children never judge anyone else by the colour of their skin. Only the adults did that. What I learned from this is that although I will someday become an adult, I’ll never forget the lessons of a child.” I started to get teary-eyed because I saw that Marva Collins was providing this young man and so many others like him with the kinds of powerful beliefs that will continue to shape his decisions not only today, but throughout his life. Marva increases her students’ quality of life by using the three organizing principles I talked about in the beginning of this book: she gets them to hold themselves to a higher standard, she assists them in adopting new, empowering beliefs that enable them to break through their old limitations, and she backs all this up with specific skills and strategies necessary for lifelong success. The results? Her students become not only confident, but competent. The immediate results in terms of their academic excellence are striking, and the processional effects generated in their everyday lives are profound. Finally I asked Talmadge, “What’s the most important thing that Mrs. Collins has taught you?” “The most important thing Mrs. Collins has taught me is that SOCIETY MAY PREDICT, BUT ONLY I WILL DETERMINE MY DESTINY!”” ( :68)

“So I learned to build my career in changing people on two principles: technology and challenge.” ( :71)

“Physically, they have the capability to do it the next morning. But they don’t. Why? Because we have a set of beliefs in our culture that we need to grieve for a certain period of time. How long do we have to grieve? It all depends upon your own conditioning. Think about this. If the next day after you lost a loved one, you didn’t grieve, wouldn’t that cause a great deal of pain in your life? First, people would immediately believe you didn’t care about the loved one you lost. And, based on cultural conditioning, you might begin to believe that you didn’t care, either. The concept of overcoming death this easily is just too painful.” ( :72)

“in helping you to wipe out your smoking habit.” He nodded again. I said, “Wow, that was years ago! How are you doing?” He reached in his pocket, pulled out a package of Marlboros, pointed at me with an accusing look on his face and said, “You failed!” Then he launched into a tirade about my inability to “program” him effectively.” ( :73)

“called Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Think about the word “programming.” It suggests that you could come to me, I would program you, and then everything would be fine. You wouldn’t have to do anything! Out of my desire to help people at the deepest level, I’d made the very mistake that I saw other leaders in the personal development industry make: I had begun to take responsibility for other people’s changes.” ( :73)

“”Don’t worry, I’ll drop off a bill on my next visit.” My response was, “Next visit? What do you mean?” He said, “I’ll be back tomorrow, and then I’ll come back once a week for the next month. Then I’ll return every three months for the rest of the year, only because you live by the ocean.” I said, “What are you talking about? Didn’t you already make all the adjustments on the piano? Isn’t it set up properly?” He said, “Yes, but these strings are strong; to keep them at the perfect level of tension, we’ve got to condition them to stay at this level. I’ve got to come back and re-tighten them on a regular basis until the wire is trained to stay at this level.” I thought, “What a business this guy has!”” ( :73)

“1) how we feel about things or 2) our behaviours?” ( :74)

“In fact, there are three specific beliefs about responsibility that a person must have if they’re going to create longterm change:” ( :75)

“1) First, we must believe, “Something must change”—not that it should change, not that it could or ought to, but that it absolutely must. So often I hear people say, “This weight should come off,” “Procrastinating is a lousy habit,” “My relationships should be better.” But you know, we can “should” all over ourselves, and our life still won’t change! It’s only when something becomes a must that we begin the process of truly doing what’s necessary to shift the quality of our lives.” ( :75)

“2) Second, we must not only believe that things must change, but we must believe, “I must change it.” We must see ourselves as the source of the change. Otherwise, we’ll always be looking for someone else to make the changes for us, and we’ll always have someone else to blame when it doesn’t work out. We must be the source of our change if our change is going to last.” ( :75)

“I also began to notice two other interesting things: some people went to therapists I didn’t think were particularly skilled, and still managed to make their desired change in a very short period of time in spite of the therapist. I also saw other people who went to therapists I considered excellent, yet were not helped to produce the results they wanted in the short term.” ( :75)

“planet, but unfortunately no one gave us an owner’s manual. Most of us have no idea how our brains really work, so we attempt to think our way into a change when, in reality, our behaviour is rooted in our nervous systems in the form of physical connections—neural connections— or what I call neuro-associations.” ( :76)

“”To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the illumined mind the whole world burns and sparkles with light.” RALPH WALDO EMERSON” ( :77)

“size nearly 600 percent! Now the monkey continued the behaviour even when he was no longer rewarded because the neural pathway was so strongly established. An illustration of this in human behaviour might be that of a person who no longer enjoys smoking but still feels a compulsion to do so. Why would this be the case? This person is physically “wired” to smoke. This explains why you may have found it difficult to create a change in your emotional patterns or behaviours in the past. You didn’t merely “have a habit”—you had created a network of strong neuro-associations within your nervous system.” ( :78)

“the likelihood that you’ll do it again. The good news is this: research has also shown that when the monkey was forced to stop using this finger, the area of the brain where these neural connections were made actually began to shrink in size, and therefore the neuro-association weakened. This is good news for those who want to change their habits! If you’ll just stop indulging in a particular behaviour or emotion long enough, if you just interrupt your pattern of using the old pathway for a long enough period of time, the neural connection will weaken and atrophy. Thus the disempowering emotional pattern or behaviour disappears with it.” ( :78)

“diminishes37. wanes38. Remember: courage, unused, Commitment, unexercised, Love, unshared, dissipates39.” ( :78)

“who hadn’t had a relationship with a man for twelve years. Now, this woman was extremely passionate about everything she did; it’s what made her such a great artist. However, when her relationship ended and she found herself in massive pain, her brain immediately searched for the cause—it searched for something that was unique to this relationship. Her brain noted that the relationship had been especially passionate. Instead of identifying it as one of the beautiful parts of the relationship, she began to think that this was the reason that the relationship ended. Her brain also looked for something that was simultaneous to the pain; again it noted that there had been a great deal of passion right before it had ended. When she looked for something that was consistent, again passion was pinpointed as the culprit. Because passion met all three criteria, her brain decided that it must be the reason the relationship ended painfully.” ( :79)

“excess” money to a lot of negatives. They associate it to greed, to being judged, to stress, with immorality or a lack of spirituality.” ( :80)

“scale: “If I were to do this, would it mean pain or pleasure?” And remember, it’s not just the number of factors on each side but the weight they individually carry. It’s possible that you could have more pleasurable than painful associations about money, but if just one of the negative associations is very intense, then that false neuro-association can wipe out your ability to succeed financially.” ( :80)

“You’d be surprised how many people came to me for private therapeutic work, and when I asked them what they wanted, they’d spend twenty minutes telling me what they didn’t want, or what they no longer wanted to experience. We’ve got to remember that we get whatever we focus on in life. If we keep focusing on what we don’t want, we’ll have more of it.” ( :81)

“We either have a belief like, “If I change, I will have pain,” or we fear the unknown that change might bring.” ( :82)

“”You’d better get out of that depressed state and start feeling happy now,” I bet any one of us could find a way to change our emotional state for the moment under these circumstances.” ( :82)

“The only way we’re going to make a change now is if we create a sense of urgency that’s so intense that we’re compelled to follow through.” ( :82)

“”Yeah, I’m unhappy now,” you may have thought, “but what if I leave this person and then I never find anyone? At least I know how to deal with the pain I have now.”” ( :83)

“THE ALPO DIET Recently, a woman attending a seminar told me about her fail-safe strategy that she had developed for shredding unwanted pounds. She and a friend had committed over and over again to losing weight, but failed to keep their promise each and every time. Finally, they both reached the point where losing weight was a must. Based on what I taught them, they needed some leverage to push themselves over the edge. They needed to make not keeping their promise more painful than anything they could imagine. They decided to commit to each other and a group of friends that if they welshed on their promise this time, they would each have to eat a whole can of Alpo dog food! So, to stave off any hint of a craving, these two enterprising women told everyone and kept their cans in plain view at all times as a constant reminder. She told me that when they started to feel hunger pangs, they’d pick up the can and read the label. With ingredients boasting “horsemeat chunks,” they found no difficulty in sticking to their commitment. They achieved their goal without a hitch!” ( :83)

“One of the reasons was that I charged $3,000 for a session, and I didn’t want them to invest their money unless they were absolutely going to get the result they were committed to today, in this one session.” ( :84)

“I’ve found that 20 percent of any change is knowing how; but 80 percent is knowing why.” ( :84)

“within. One of the strongest forces in the human personality is the drive to preserve the integrity of our own identity.” ( :84)

“The reason so many of us seem to be walking contradictions is simply that we never recognize inconsistencies for what they are. If you want to help somebody, you won’t access this kind of leverage by making them wrong or pointing out that they’re inconsistent, but rather by asking them questions that cause them to realize for themselves their inconsistencies. This is a much more powerful lever than attacking someone. If you try to exert only external pressure, they’ll push against it, but internal pressure is next to impossible to resist.” ( :84)

“To change someone, including ourselves, we must simply reverse this so that not changing is incredibly painful (painful beyond our threshold of tolerance), and the idea of changing is attractive and pleasurable!” ( :84)

“”Ultimately what will I miss out on in my life if I don’t make the shift? What is it already costing me mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually?”” ( :84)

“doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result.” Please don’t misunderstand me. There’s nothing wrong with you; you don’t need to be “fixed.” (And I suggest you avoid anyone who uses these metaphors to describe you!) The resources you need to change anything in your life are within you right now. It’s just that you have a set of neuroassociations that habitually cause you to not fully utilize your capability. What you must do is reorganize your neural pathways so that they consistently guide you in the direction of your desires rather than your frustrations and fears.” ( :85)

“They say they want to change, but often they subconsciously believe that maintaining the old behavior or emotional pattern gives them something they couldn’t get any other way. Thus they’re not willing to give up feeling depressed, even though it’s painful. Why? Because being depressed gets them attention, for example. They don’t want to feel depressed, but they desperately want attention. In the end, the need for attention wins out, and they stay depressed. The need for attention is only one form of secondary gain. In order to resolve this, we have to give the person enough leverage that they must change, but also we must show them a new way to get their needs met. While on” ( :86)

“Later, I came back to him, and assisted him in selecting empowering alternatives to the chocolate, laying down some new pathways to pleasure that were more empowering and didn’t require him to consume something he knew wasn’t good for him. Then I really got to work with him, conditioning the new associations and helping him replace his old addiction with a smorgasbord of healthful behaviors: power breathing, exercise, water-rich foods, proper food combining, and so on. Had I created leverage on this guy? You bet! If you can give someone pain in their body, that’s undeniable leverage.” ( :87)

“They’d say, “My problem is …” and then they’d burst into tears, out of control. As soon as this happened, I would stand up and shout, “EXCUSE ME!” This would jolt them, and then I’d follow up with, “We haven’t started yet!” Usually they responded, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” And they’d immediately change their emotional states and regain control. It was hysterical to watch!” ( :87)

“One of the best ways to interrupt someone’s pattern is to do things they don’t expect, things that are radically different from what they’ve experienced before. Think of some of the ways you can interrupt your own patterns. Take a moment to think up some of the most enjoyable and disruptive ways you can interrupt a pattern of being frustrated, worried, or overwhelmed.” ( :88)

“Next time you start to feel depressed, jump up, look at the sky, and yell in your most idiotic tone of voice, “H-A-L-L-E-L-U-J-A-H! My feet don’t stink today!” A stupid, silly move like that will definitely shift your attention, change your state, and it will definitely change the states of everyone around you as they begin to realize that you’re no longer depressed—just crazy!” ( :88)

“, “I just lost my train of thought,” you’re indicating that something or someone interrupted your pattern of concentration. Have you ever been deeply involved in a conversation with a friend, had someone interrupt you for a moment, then come back wondering, “Where were we?” Of course you have, and it’s a classic example of a pattern interrupt.” ( :88)

“After reading this, take the following steps.” ( :89)

“The power of conditioning can’t be overestimated. I read recently that Boston Celtics great Larry Bird was doing a soft-drink commercial in which he was supposed to miss a jump shot. He made nine baskets in a row before he could get himself to miss! That’s how strongly he’s conditioned himself over the years. When that ball hits his hands, he automatically goes through a pattern that is aimed at putting the ball through the hoop.” ( :92)

“It’s entitled Don’t Shoot the Dog! by Karen Pryor.” ( :93)

“Reinforcement is responding to a behavior immediately after it occurs, while punishment and reward may occur long afterward.” ( :93)

“Appropriate timing is absolutely critical to effective conditioning. If a coach yells, “Great!” when the basketball team executes a perfect pick-and-roll, it has a lot more impact than if he waited until they debriefed later in the locker room. Why? Because we always want to link the sensations of reinforcement in the pattern that is occurring.” ( :93)

“Have you ever been guilty of this? If you want your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or significant other to call you more often, how effective do you think it would be to nag them to call? When they finally do call, do you greet them with statements like, “Oh, so you finally picked up the phone! Will wonders never cease? Why do I always have to be the one who makes the call?” What you’re doing is training him or her not to call you! You’re giving pain right after they do the very thing you want.” ( :94)

“If you truly want someone to call you, then when they do call, you need to respond with delight. If you tell them how much you miss them, how much you love them, how grateful you are to talk with them, do you think that they’ll be more inclined to call again?” ( :94)

“Sooner or later, companies run into the same problems that eastern Europe has: people will live in fear only for so long before they revolt.” ( :94)

“financial incentives. While this is an excellent idea and is usually appreciated, there is a limit to its effectiveness. There is a point of diminishing return at which all the additional incentives don’t really induce a greater quality of work from people. In fact, most companies find that there’s a limit to what they cando in this area.” ( :94)

“The third and most powerful way to motivate people is through personal development. By helping your employees to grow and expand personally, they begin to feel passionate about life, people, and their jobs. This makes them want to contribute more. They do it out of a sense of personal pride rather than pressure from the outside. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have an incentive program; just make sure you have the most powerful incentive of all, which is to help people expand and grow.” ( :95)

“Let me give you a simple example from dolphin training. In the beginning, to train a dolphin to jump, trainers wait for the dolphin to jump on its own. They catch the animals doing something right and then reward it with a fish. By doing this each time the dolphin jumps on its own, the dolphin eventually makes the neuro-association that if he jumps, he’ll get a fish. This pairing of pleasure to a behavior that the trainer desires allows the trainer to condition the dolphin to jump again and again. Eventually, though, the trainer will give the fish only when the dolphin jumps higher. By slowly raising the standards, the trainer can shape the dolphin’s behavior. Here’s the key: if the dolphin is always rewarded, he may become habituated and will no longer give 100 percent.” ( :95)

“key: if the dolphin is always rewarded, he may become habituated and will no longer give 100 percent. So, in the future, the dolphin is rewarded sometimes after the first jump or perhaps after the fifth, or after the second. A dolphin is” ( :95)

“never sure which jump will be rewarded. This sense of anticipation that a reward may be given, coupled with the uncertainty as to which try will be rewarded, causes the dolphin to consistently give its full effort. The reward is never taken for granted.” ( :96)

“When they haven’t been rewarded in a while, often they have an even stronger sense that this time they’ll be rewarded. What drives the gambler is the possibility of winning again. If a person were to gamble without ever receiving a reward, they would give up. However, receiving just a few small rewards, winning just a few hands, “earning” back just some of their money, keeps them in a state of anticipation that they could hit the jackpot.” ( :96)

“Vary your rewards, and you’ll see greater results in making change within yourself or anyone you’re managing. There is a third tool for reinforcement that can also be used: it’s known as the jackpot. A jackpot can help you to compound the reinforcement.” ( :96)

“The minute you, or anyone you want to reinforce, does something right, create an immediate reward. Reinforce it consistently with the kind of reward that you, or that individual, personally want or desire most.” ( :97)

“Ask yourself what you truly want in life. Do you want a loving marriage, the respect of your children? Do you want plenty of money, fast cars, a thriving business, a house on the hill? Do you want to travel the world, visit exotic ports of call, see historical landmarks firsthand? Do you want to be idolized by millions as a rock musician or as a celebrity with your star on Hollywood Boulevard? Do you want to leave your mark for posterity as the inventor of a time travel machine? Do you want to work with Mother Teresa to save the world, or take a proactive role in making a measurable impact environmentally?” ( :103)

“Do you want to save the world because of the feelings of contribution and making a difference you believe this will give you?” ( :103)

“fact that you want these things or results because you see them as a means to achieving certain feelings, emotions, or states that you desire.” ( :104)

“When somebody kisses you, what makes you feel good in that moment? Is it wet tissue touching wet tissue that really triggers the feeling? Of course not! If that’s true, kissing your dog would turn you on!” ( :104)

“Have you ever found yourself unable to remember a friend’s name? Or how to spell a “difficult” word like .. . “house”? How come you weren’t able to do this? You certainly knew the answer. Is it because you’re stupid? No, it’s because you were in a stupid state! The difference between acting badly or brilliantly is not based on your ability, but on the state of your mind and/or body in any given moment.” ( :104)

“However, if you know the secret of accessing your most resourceful states, you can literally work wonders. The state that you’re in at any given moment determines your perceptions of reality and thus your decisions and behavior. In other words, your behavior is not the result of your ability, but of the state that you’re in at this moment. To change your ability, change your state.” ( :104)

“One of the most powerful distinctions that I’ve made in the last ten years of my life is simply-this: Emotion is created by motion.” ( :105)

“That motion and speed you’ve created, both in your body and your vocal chords, will instantly change the way you feel.” ( :105)

“he challenge is that most of us limit ourselves to just a few habitual patterns of physiology.” ( :105)

“character. I always have people in my Date With Destiny™ seminar write down all the emotions they feel in an average week, and out of the myriad possibilities, I’ve found that the average is less than a dozen. Why? Because most people have limited patterns of physiology that result in limited patterns of expression.” ( :105)

“How about experiencing more enthusiasm, fascination, cheerfulness, playfulness, intrigue, sensuality, desire, gratitude, enchantment, curiosity, creativity, capability, confidence, outrageousness, boldness, consideration, kindness, gentleness, humor . . . Why not come up with a long list of your own?” ( :106)

“deep breaths in through your nose and exhale strongly through your mouth. Put a huge grin on your face and smile at your children. If you really want to change your life, commit for the next seven days to spending one minute five times a day, grinning from ear to ear in the mirror. This will feel incredibly stupid, but remember, by this physical act, you will be constantly triggering this part of your brain and creating a neuro-logical pathway to pleasure that will become habitual. So do it, and make it fun!” ( :106)

“82 percent of the people who go to movies want to laugh, 7 percent want to cry, and 3 percent want to scream.” ( :107)

“read Norman Cousins’s books, or Dr. Deepak Chopra’s, or Dr. Bernie Siegel’s, or studied psychoneuroimmunology at all, you know what laughter can do to the physical body to stimulate the immune system.” ( :107)

“We know too much and feel too little. At least we feel too little of those creative emotions from which a good life springs.” BERTRAND RUSSELL” ( :107)

“I worked with John Denver, a man who impresses me not only with his musical ability but also because his private persona is absolutely in line with his public image. The reason he’s succeeded is so clear; he’s such an incredibly warm and caring man.” ( :107)

“yourself? Make feeling good your expectation. You don’t have to have a reason to feel good—you’re alive; you can feel good/or no reason at all!” ( :108)

“To paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson, each of us sees in others what we carry in our own hearts.” ( :109)

“One thing that’s useful to know about all of this: when you change your focus, often you don’t immediately change direction.” ( :110)

“Did I learn my lesson? No. I’d had an experience, but I had not created a strong enough neuroassociation. I had to condition in the new pattern. So sure enough, the next time I headed for the wall, the instructor had to loudly remind me to look at my goal. On the third time, though, I turned my head deliberately and consciously. I trusted it, and it worked. After doing it enough times, now when I go into a skid, wham! my head goes where I want it to go, the wheel turns, and my car follows.” ( :110)

“The most powerful way to control focus is through the use of questions. For whatever you ask, your brain provides an answer; whatever you look for, you’ll find. If you ask, “Why is this person taking advantage of me?” you’re going to focus on how you’re being taken advantage of, whether it’s true or not. If you ask, “How can I turn this around?” you’ll get a more empowering answer. Questions are such a powerful tool for changing your life, I’ve reserved the next chapter to talk exclusively about them.” ( :111)

“One of the best illustrations of this is the story of a young man who grew up in Alabama. About fifteen years ago, a seventh-grade bully picked a fight with him, punched him in the nose and knocked him vowed65 out. When the boy regained consciousness, he to get revenge and kill the bully. He went home, grabbed his mother’s .22, and set out to find his target. In a matter of moments, his destiny hung in the balance. With the bully in his gun sight, he could simply fire and his schoolmate would be history. But at that very instant, he asked himself a question: What will happen to me if I pull the trigger? And another image came into focus: a picture as painful as any imaginable. In that split second which would take the boy’s life in one of two very different directions, he visualized, with chilling clarity, what it would be like to go to jail. He pictured having to stay up all night to keep the other prisoners from raping him. That potential pain was greater than the anticipation of revenge. He rearmed his gun, and shot a tree. This boy was Bo Jackson, and as he describes this scene in his biography, there’s no question that at that pivot point in his life, the pain associated with prison was a force more powerful than the pleasure of satisfaction he thought killing the other boy would bring.” ( :111)

“Probably the greatest expert in submodalities is Richard Bandler, co-founder of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.” ( :112)

“can change states. Our ability to change the way we feel depends upon our ability to change our submodalities. We must learn to take control of the various elements with which we represent experiences and change them in ways that support our outcomes. For example, have you ever found yourself saying you need to “get distance” from a problem? I’d like you to try something, if you would. Think of a situation that is challenging you currently. Make a picture of it in your mind, then imagine pushing that picture farther and farther away from yourself. Stand above it and look down upon the problem with a new perspective. What happens to your emotional intensity? For most people, it drops. What if the image becomes dimmer, or smaller? Now take the picture of the problem and make it bigger, brighter, and closer. For most people, this intensifies it. Push it back out and watch the sun melt it.” ( :113)

“In Canada I found a man who was breaking wood karate-style. Instead of spending a year and a half to two years to learn to do it, with no martial” ( :119)

“arts training, I simply found out what he was focusing on, how he was focusing (the brightness and so on) in his head, what his beliefs were, and what his physical strategy was—how he specifically used his body to break the wood.” ( :120)

“It’s always fascinating to see a huge man who thinks he can do it with just brute force get up there and miss, and then watch a woman half his size and muscular tone break through in a heartbeat because she’s developed the certainty in her physiology.” ( :120)

“”Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.” ALDOUS HUXLEY” ( :120)

“Sit down right now and write down a list of things that you currently do to change how you feel. As long as you’re making a list, why not add some new things you may not have tried before that could positively change your state as well? Don’t stop until you have a minimum of fifteen ways to instantly feel good, and the ideal would be at least twenty-five.” ( :121)

“Don’t just randomly hope that pleasure will somehow show up; set yourself up for ecstasy. Make room for it! What we’re talking about, again, is conditioning your nervous system, your body, and your mental focus so that it searches constantly to see how everything in your life benefits you.” ( :123)

“”He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers.” CAMEROON PROVERB” ( :124)

“”How could the Nazis be so despicable, so destructive? How could God make something so evil? Why has God done this to me?,” Stanislavsky Lech asked a different question. He asked, “How can I use this to escape?” And instantly he got his answer.” ( :124)

“ghastly cargo—dozens of the dead and one man pretending to be one of them—in a giant open grave outside the camp. Lech remained there for hours until nightfall. When he finally felt certain no one was there, he extracted himself from the mountain of cadavers, and he ran naked twenty-five miles to freedom.” ( :125)

“What was the difference between Stanislavsky Lech and so many others who perished in the concentration camps? While, of course, there were many factors, one critical difference was that he asked a different question. He asked persistently, he asked with expectation of receiving an answer, and his brain came up with a solution that saved his life. The questions he asked himself that day in Krakow caused him to make split-second decisions that led to actions that significantly impacted his destiny. But before he could get the answer, make the decisions, and take those actions, he had to ask himself the right questions.” ( :125)

“I began to realize that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions. If after reading this you’re thinking, “That’s true,” or “That’s not true,” you had to ask yourself—either consciously or unconsciously—a question, and that question was, “Is this true?”” ( :126)

“n fact, the entire Socratic method (a way of teaching that dates back to the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates) is based upon the teacher doing nothing but asking questions, directing the students’ focus, and getting them to come up with their own answers.” ( :126)

“Book of Questions—an entire book of nothing but questions to make you think about your life and your values, was a bestseller.” ( :126)

“and as a result, they got better answers. They got answers that empowered them to know exactly what to do in any situation to produce the results they desired.” ( :126)

“”Some men see things as they are, and say, ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘Why not?'” GEORGE BERNARD SHAW” ( :127)

“questions like: “What’s the use? Why even try, since things never seem to work out anyway? Why me, Lord?”” ( :128)

“W. Mitchell? If you read Unlimited Power, you know his story. How do you think he was able to survive having two-thirds of his body burned and still feel good about his life? How could he then endure an airplane accident years later, lose the use of his legs, and be confined to a wheelchair—and still find a way to enjoy contributing to others? He learned to control his focus by asking the right questions. When he found himself in the hospital, with his body burned beyond recognition, and surrounded by a large number of other patients in the ward who were feeling sorry for themselves, patients who were asking themselves, “Why me? How could God do this to me? Why is life so unfair? What’s the use of living as a ‘cripple’?,” Mitchell chose instead to ask himself, “How can I use this? Because of this, what will I be able to contribute to others?” These questions are what created the difference in destinies: “Why me?” rarely produces a positive result, while “How can I use this?” usually leads us in the direction of turning our difficulties into a driving force to make ourselves and the world better.” ( :128)

“in the hospital and paralyzed from the waist down, he met an incredibly attractive woman, a nurse named Annie. With his entire face burned off, his body paralyzed from the waist down, he had the audacity to ask: “How could I get a date with her?” His buddies said, “You’re insane. You’re deluding yourself.” But a year and a half later, he and Annie were in a relationship, and today she’s his wife.” ( :128)

“They ask questions like “What toys do I want right now?” instead of “What plan do I need in order to achieve my ultimate financial goals?”” ( :129)

“thing I’ve learned in seeking out the core beliefs and strategies of today’s leading minds, it’s that superior evaluations create a superior life.” ( :129)

“Einstein once said, “When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it’s longer than any hour. That’s relativity.”” ( :130)

“frustrated, feeling like there are no answers in their lives? One answer is that when they ask questions, they lack the certainty that causes the answers to come to them, and most importantly, they fail to consciously ask empowering questions of themselves. They run roughshod over this critical process with no forethought or sensitivity to the power they are abusing or failing to ignite by their lack of faith.” ( :130)

“To change your life for the better, you must change your habitual questions. Remember, the patterns of questions you consistently ask will create either enervation or enjoyment, indignation or inspiration, misery or magic. Ask the questions that will uplift your spirit and push you along the path of human excellence.” ( :131)

“and unloved. As a result, you’ll stay in those unresourceful states. If instead you ask, “How can I change my state so that I am feeling happy and am being more lovable?,” you’ll focus on solutions. Even if your brain initially responds, “There’s nothing I can do,” but like Stanislavsky Lech or W. Mitchell you persist with a sense of certainty and expectation in spite of it all, then eventually you will get the answers you need and deserve. You will come up with authentic reasons for feeling better, and as you focus on them, your emotional state will immediately follow suit.” ( :131)

“I’ll never forget the moment I discovered a former associate doing a seminar and claiming credit for material I had developed, word for word.” ( :132)

“The fastest way to change my state would be to ask a series of new questions. So I asked myself, “What do I respect about this guy?” At first my brain screamed, “Nothing!” but then I asked, “What could I respect about him if I wanted to?,” and finally I came up with an answer: “Well, I’ve got to admit that he’s not sitting around passively; at least he’s using what I taught him!”” ( :132)

“Disney had a unique way of requesting input. He designated a whole wall on which he would display the project, script, or idea, and everyone in the company would come by and write down the answers to the question: “How can we improve this?”” ( :132)

“Ask yourself some empowering questions right now. What are you truly happy about in your life right now? What’s really great in your life today? What are you truly grateful for? Take a moment to think about the answers and notice how good it feels to know that you have legitimate reasons for you to feel great now.” ( :133)

“Conversely, if you’re asked, “What’s really great in your life?,” and you keep focusing on the answer, you might find yourself feeling excellent immediately. If someone says, “You know this project really is great.” ( :133)

“They concentrate our focus and determine what we feel and do. Stop for a moment and as you look around the room, ask yourself a question: “What in this room is brown?” Look around and see it: brown, brown, brown. Now, look down at this page. Blocking off your peripheral vision, think of everything that’s . . . green. If you’re in a room you know very well, you can probably do this easily, but if you’re in a strange room, chances are that you’ll remember a lot more brown than green. So now look around and notice what’s green: green, green, green. Do you see more green this time?” ( :133)

“So, it you’re angry, one of the best things you could ask yourself is, “How can I learn from this problem so that this never happens again?” This is an example of a quality question, in that it will lead you from your current challenge to finding resources that can keep you from having this pain in the future. Until you ask this question you’re deleting the possibility that this problem is really an opportunity.” ( :134)

“Unfortunately, this process happens all too often; we do it to ourselves and to others all the time. Don’t fall into the trap of accepting someone else’s or your own disempowering presuppositions. Find references to back up new beliefs that empower you.” ( :134)

“Questions change the resources available to us. I arrived at a critical juncture in my life about five years ago when I came home from a grueling schedule on the road to discover that one of my business associates had embezzled a quarter of a million dollars and run my company $758,000 into debt. The questions I failed to ask when I first hired this man had brought me to this point, and now my destiny hinged on the new questions I would ask. All of my advisors informed me that I had only one choice: I’d have to declare bankruptcy.” ( :134)

“I got from those around me, but because I asked a better question: “How can I turn this around?”” ( :135)

“next level and cause it to have even more impact than it ever has in the past?” I knew that if I asked a better question, I’d get a better answer. At first, I didn’t get the answer I wanted. Initially, it was, “There is no way to turn it around,” but I kept asking with intensity and expectation. 1 expanded my question to “How can I add even more value, and help more people even while I sleep? How can I reach people in a way that is not limited to my physical presence?” With these questions came the idea of my franchise operation in which more people could represent me across the country. Out of these same questions, a year later I came up with the idea of producing a television infomercial, an answer that I received from that same burning question.” ( :135)

“He asked designer Jack Telnack, “Do you like the cars you are designing?” Telnack replied, “Actually, no, I don’t.” And then Petersen asked him the critical question: “Why don’t you ignore management and design a car you’d love to own?”” ( :135)

“At any moment, the questions that we ask ourselves can shape our perception of who we are, what we’re capable of, and what we’re willing to do to achieve our dreams. Learning to consciously control the questions you ask will take you further to achieving your ultimate destiny than almost anything I know.” ( :135)

“”How can I turn things around?” simply because everyone around them had told them it was impossible. They would feel it was a waste of their time and energy. Be careful not to ask limited questions, or you’ll receive limited answers.” ( :135)

“The question is not whether you’re going to have problems, but how you’re going to deal with them when they come up.” ( :136)

“THE PROBLEM-SOLVING QUESTIONS 1. What is great about this problem? 2. What is not perfect yet? 3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it? 4. What am I willing to no longer do in order to make it the way I want it? 5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?” ( :136)

“1. “What is great about this problem?”” ( :137)

“2. “What is not perfect yet?”” ( :137)

“3. “What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?”” ( :137)

“4. “What am I willing to no longer do in order to make it the way I want it?”” ( :137)

“5. “How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?”” ( :137)

“asked this last, most important question, I looked around for a way to make it fun. I thought, “How can I enjoy making 100 calls?” Sitting there at my desk did not turn up the mental and emotional juice. Then I got an idea: I’d not been in my Jacuzzi in six months. I quickly slipped on my swim trunks, grabbed my portable computer and speaker phone, and headed for the Jacuzzi. I set up shop out in my back yard, and started making the calls. I called a few of my business associates in New York and teased them, saying, “Really, it’s that cold? Hmmm. Well, it’s really tough out here in California, you know. I’m sitting here in my Jacuzzi!” We all had fun with it and I managed to turn the whole “chore” into a game. (But I was so wrinkled that I looked about 400 years old by the time I got to the bottom of my list!)” ( :137)

“questions anyway, so why not ask the right ones? I realized that there are certain emotions we all need to cultivate in order to be happy and successful individuals. Otherwise, you could be winning and feel like you’re losing, if you don’t keep score or take the time to feel how fortunate you are. So take the time now to review the following questions. Take a moment to deeply experience the feelings of each one.” ( :138)

“Come up with two or three answers to all of these questions and feel fully associated. If you have difficulty discovering an answer simply add the word “could.” Example: “What could I be most happy about in my life now?”” ( :138)

“1. What am I happy about in my life now? What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel? 2. What am I excited about In my life now? What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel? 3. What am I proud about in my life now? What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel? 4. What am I grateful about In my life now? What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel? 5. What am I enjoying most in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel? 6. What am I committed to in my life right now? What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel? 7. Who do I love? Who loves me?” ( :138)

“you’ll find that you access your most empowering emotional states on a regular basis, and you’ll begin to create the highways to these emotions of happiness, excitement, pride, gratitude, joy, commitment, and love.” ( :139)

“”Recently I’ve created this simple questions technology, and when I’ve applied it to myself, I’ve found it to have incredible impact. It’s pulled me out of some pretty tough spots. Do you mind if I ask you a couple questions and see if it works for you?” He said, “Yeah, but I don’t think anything’s going to help me right now.” So I started out by asking him the Morning Questions, and then the ProblemSolving Questions.” ( :139)

“No, 1 was helping him to get into a better state, and in a better state, you can come up with better ways of dealing with challenges. First we had to break the pattern and put him in a positive emotional environment.” ( :140)

“”What’s great about your partner’s leaving?” He said, “You know, what could be great about this is that I hate coming to New York City. I love being at my home in Connecticut.” He continued, “What’s great about this is that I get to look at everything in a new way.” This started a whole string of possibilities and he resolved to set up a new office in Connecticut not five minutes from his home, bring his son into the business, and have an answering service pick up his calls in Manhattan. He got so excited, he decided to immediately go and look for a new office.” ( :140)

“of my favorite people—and one of the most impassioned men I’ve ever met—is Leo Buscaglia, author of Love and many other outstanding books in the area of human relations. One of the things that is great about Leo is” ( :141)

“the time he was a little boy. Each day at the dinner table, his father would ask, “Leo, what have you learned today?” Leo had to have an answer, and a quality one. If he hadn’t learned something really interesting in school that day, he would run and get the encyclopedia to study something that he could share. He says that to this day he won’t go to bed until he’s learned something new that’s of value. As a result he’s constantly stimulating his mind, and a great deal of his passion and love for learning has come from this question, asked repeatedly, begun decades ago.” ( :141)

“When in the Course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another . . .” ( :142)

“survival of Great Britain was in question, one man’s words helped to mobilize the will of the English people. It was once said that Winston Churchill had the unique ability to send the English language into battle. His famous call to all Britons to make this their “finest hour” resulted in courage beyond compare, and crushed Hitler’s delusion about the invincibility of his war machine.” ( :142)

“For years I’ve observed firsthand the power of changing just one key word in communicating with someone, and noted how it instantly changes the way people feel—and often the way they subsequently behaved.” ( :143)

“My CEO was out of control with rage and fury while my associate was hardly moved by the situation. How could all three of us hear of these actions that should have impacted us all equally (we all had the same stake in the negotiation), yet respond in such radically different ways? Quite honestly, the intensity of my CEO’s response to the situation seemed even to me to be disproportionate to what had occurred. He kept talking about how “furious” and “enraged” he was, as his face turned beet-red and the veins in his forehead and neck visibly protruded.” ( :144)

“1 had known him, I’d never seen him become very upset about anything. I asked him what being upset meant to him, and he responded, “If you get upset, then you lose control.” “Interesting,” I thought. “What happens if you lose control?” He said matter-of-factly, “Then the other guy wins.”” ( :144)

“and it was their mistake? Didn’t it take you two and a half years to get the money back? Didn’t that make you unbelievably angry?” My CEO chimed in, “Didn’t that make you LIVID?” He said, “No, it didn’t upset me. Maybe I was a little bit peeved.” Peeved? I thought this was the stupidest word I’d ever heard! I would never have used a word like that to describe my emotional intensity. How could this wealthy and successful businessman go around using a word like “peeved” and still keep a straight face? The answer is, he didn’t keep a straight face! He seemed almost to enjoy talking about things that would have driven me crazy.” ( :145)

“I felt “a bit of anger” welling up inside of me, so I turned to the clerk and said, “You know, I know this isn’t your fault, but right now I’m exhausted and I need to get to my room quickly because the longer I stand here the more I fear I will become a bit PEEVED.” The clerk glanced up at me with a somewhat perplexed look, and then broke a smile. I smiled back; my pattern was broken.” ( :145)

“available to us and finding the most appropriate and accurate description, we often force the experience into a disempowering mold. We form habitual favorites: molds that shape and transform our life experience. Unfortunately, most of us have not consciously evaluated the impact of the words we’ve grown accustomed to using. The problem occurs when we start consistently pouring any form of negative sensation into the word-mold of “furious” or “depressed” or “humiliated” or “insecure.” And this word may not accurately reflect the actual experience. The moment we place this mold around our experience, the label we put on it becomes our experience. What was “a bit challenging” becomes “devastating.”” ( :146)

“and I need to know that we can all have the same sensations, but the way in which we organize them—the mold or word we use for them—becomes our experience. I later found that by using my friend’s mold (the words “peeved” or “annoyed”) I instantly was able to change the intensity of my experience. It became something else. This is the essence of Transformational Vocabulary:” ( :146)

“of Transformational Vocabulary: the words that we attach to our experience become our experience.” ( :146)

“Remember, if three people can have the same experience, yet one person feels rage, another feels anger, and the third feels annoyance, then obviously the sensations are being changed by each person’s translation.” ( :146)

“respondents were terrorized even by the question, but not many could actually define it—all they knew was that it was horrifying! One woman even went so far as to say, “Well, I don’t really know what that means, but there hadn’t better be any in Washington.” One man said that he knew everything he needed to know about Communists and that what you needed to do was kill them! But he couldn’t even explain what they were. There is no denying the power of labels to create sensations and emotions.” ( :147)

“”Words form the thread on which we string our experiences.” ALDOUS HUXLEY” ( :147)

“with the immense number of words we could possibly use, our habitual vocabulary is extremely limited. Various linguists have shared with me that the average person’s working vocabulary consists of only between 2,000 and 10,000 words.” ( :147)

“What struck me was the proportion of words that describe negative versus positive emotions. By my count, 1,051 words describe positive emotions, while 2,086 (almost twice as many!) describe negative emotions. Just” ( :147)

“To give you further perspective, the Bible uses 7,200 different words; the poet and essayist John Milton’s writing included 17,000; and it’s said that William Shakespeare used over 24,000 words in his varied works,” ( :148)

“that the English language is so verb-oriented? After all, as a culture we’re very” ( :148)

“active and pride ourselves on our focus of taking action.” ( :149)

“By contrast, the Chinese culture places a high value on that which does not change, a fact reflected in the many dialects featuring a predominance of nouns rather than verbs. From their perspective, nouns represent things that will last, while verbs (as actions) will be here today and gone tomorrow.” ( :149)

“”Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know men.” CONFUCIUS” ( :149)

“”Bob, you’re acting so strangely. You never act this way. You know, I noticed something else: you keep using a certain word that I’ve never heard you use before. Usually when you’re stressed, you say you’re overloaded, but lately I hear you talking all the time about how you’re overwhelmed. You never say that; Kelly uses that word, and when she does, she feels this same kind of rage and behaves very much like you just did.”” ( :149)

“Later that day, as Bob and I were having lunch, we became immersed in a series of projects we were working on together. At one point, he turned to me and said, “Tony, I can’t believe that anyone in the world could ever be bored.” I agreed. “I know what you mean. Seems crazy, doesn’t it?” He said, “Yeah, boredom’s not even in my vocabulary.” Just as he said that, I asked, “What did you just say? Boredom is a word that’s not in your vocabulary… Do you remember what we were talking about earlier? It’s not in your vocabulary, and you don’t experience the feeling. Hmmm. Is it possible that we don’t experience certain emotions because we don’t have a word to represent them?”” ( :150)

“and substance, and thus a sense of reality. Words are a basic tool for representing things to ourselves, and often if there’s no word, there’s no way to think about the experience. For example, some Native American languages have no word for “lie”—that concept is simply not a part of their language. Nor is it a part of their thinking or behavior. Without a word for it, the concept doesn’t seem to exist. In fact, the Tasaday tribe in the Philippines reportedly ^as no words for “dislike,” “hate” or “war”—what a thought!” ( :150)

“At this point you may be saying, “This is just semantics, isn’t it? What difference does it make to play with words?” The answer is that, if all you do is change the word, then the experience does not change. But if using the word causes you to break your own habitual emotional patterns, then everything changes.” ( :151)

“He agreed to commit to this as an experiment, and you can guess what happened: one simple shift in his words shifted his pattern completely. He no longer worked himself up to the same level of pain, and as a result, he stayed in more resourceful states. Two years later when I told Jim that I was writing about his experience in this book, he shared with me that he has not felt depressed one day since that time because he never uses that word to describe his experience. Remember, the beauty of Transformational Vocabulary is its utter simplicity. It’s truly profound knowledge—something so simple and universally applicable that the minute you use it, it can immediately increase the quality of your life.” ( :152)

“Based on Dr. Deming’s. recommendations, the PIE executives decided that they must find a way to change the companywide level of commitment to quality and that the best way would be to change how their workers viewed themselves. Instead of workers or truckers, they started referring to themselves as craftsmen. At first people thought it was strange; after all, what difference could changing a job title make? They hadn’t really changed anything, had they? But pretty soon, as a result of regularly using the word the workers began to see themselves as “craftsmen,” and in less than thirty days PIE cut their 56 percent erroneous shippings down to less than 10 percent, ultimately saving close to a quarter of a million dollars a year.” ( :152)

“Some consider this to be a natural pan of the preparation to perform, while others see it as evidence that they will fail These sensations which Carly Simon called “stage fright,” kept her from performing live for years. Bruce Springsteen, on the other hand, gets the same kind of tension in his stomach, only he labels these feelings “excitement”‘ He knows that he’s about to have the incredibly powerful experience of entertaining thousands of people, and having them love it. He can’t wait to get onstage. For Bruce Springsteen, tension in his stomach is an ally for Carly Simon, it’s an enemy.” ( :153)

“Remember Neuro-Associative Conditioning? Remember the first two steps? Step One: Decide that you’re committed to having much more pleasure in your life and a lot less pain. Realize that one of the things that’s kept you from having that is using language that intensifies negative emotion. Step Two: Get leverage on yourself so that you’ll use these three new words. One way to do this is to think of how ridiculous it is to work yourself into a frenzy when you have the choice of feeling good! Maybe” ( :157)

“”I have to do this,” and it made me feel stressed. Since I wanted a reminder about how fortunate I am, and because it really transformed my experience, I began to say, “I get to do this.”” ( :157)

“what that did? My language pattern automatically put the other person into reaction, even if it wasn’t my intention; often, they tended to become defensive, something that prevented both of us from finding a solution to the challenge before us. So what I learned to do instead was to say (even if I felt more intensity), “I’m a little bit concerned about something. Can you help me?” First of all, doing this lowered my own emotional intensity. This benefited both me and the person with whom I was communicating. Why? Because “concerned” is a much different word than “worried.” If you say that you’re worried about something, you may be conveying the impression that you don’t have faith in this person’s abilities. And second, adding “a little bit” softens the message significantly. So by lowering my intensity, I enabled the person to respond from a position of strength and also enhanced my level of communication with them. Can you see how this would improve your interactions at home as well? How” ( :160)

“”The German people is no warlike nation. It is a soldierly one, which means it does not want a war but does not fear it. It loves peace but it also loves its honor and freedom.” ADOLF HITLER” ( :161)

“that I’ve studied in the field of psychoneuroimmunology reinforces the idea that the words we use produce powerful biochemical effects. In an interview with Norman Cousins, he told me of the work he’d done in the last twelve years with over 2,000 patients. Time and again, he noticed that the moment a patient was diagnosed—i.e., had a label to attach to his symptoms—he became worse. Labels like “cancer,” “multiple sclerosis,” and “heart disease” tended to produce panic in the patients, leading to helplessness and depression that actually impaired the effectiveness of the body’s immune system.” ( :162)

“Conversely, studies proved that if patients could be freed of the depression produced by certain labels, a corresponding boost was automatically produced in their immune systems. “Words can produce illness; words can kill,” Cousins told me. “Therefore, wise physicians are very careful about the way they communicate.” That’s one of the reasons why, in Fortune Management,™ our practicemanagement company, we work with doctors not only in helping them to build their businesses, but in teaching them how to enhance their emotional sensitivity to enable them to contribute more. If you’re in a profession where you work with people, it’s imperative that you understand the power of words to impact those around you.” ( :162)

“I’ll ask them, “Are you angry, or are you hurt?” Just asking them that question often makes them reevaluate the situation. When they select a new word and say, “I guess I’m hurt,” you can instantly see their physiology reflect a drop in intensity. It’s a lot easier for them to deal with hurt than it is with anger.” ( :163)

“participants came back from dinner, absolutely radiant. She told us that right before dinner she’d had an incredible urge to cry, and ran out of the room, bawling. “Everything was all jumbled up,” she said. “I felt like I was going to burst. I thought I was going to have a breakdown. But then I said to myself ‘No, no, no, you’re having a break-up/’ That made me laugh. And then I thought, ‘No—you’re having a break-through?'” The only thing she had changed was one word, but by taking control of her labeling process (her vocabulary) she completely changed her state and her perception of her experience—and thus transformed her reality.” ( :163)

“If words are symbolic, then metaphors are heightened symbols.” ( :164)

“t immediately helped students understand the relationship between the atom and something they already understood. They could immediately picture the nucleus as the sun and the electrons as planets revolving around it. The challenge was that by adopting this metaphor, physicists—without realizing it—adopted a belief system that electrons remained in equidistant orbits from the nucleus, very much in the same way that planets remained in basically equidistant orbits from the sun. It was an inaccurate and limiting presupposition. In tact, it locked physicists for years into a pattern of irresolution of many atomic questions, all because of a false set of presuppositions adopted due to this metaphor. Today we know that electrons don’t maintain equidistant orbits; their orbits vary in distance from the nucleus.” ( :165)

“squirt70 I turned to the CEO and asked, “What color is the gun?” He looked at me in a puzzled state and said, “What?” I repeated the question, “What color is the squirt gun?” This immediately broke his weird71 pattern. In order to answer my question, his mind had to focus on my question, which immediately changed his internal focus. When he began to picture a squirt gun, do you think his emotion changed as a result? You bet! He started to laugh.” ( :166)

“Remember, anytime you use the words “I feel like” or “This is like,” the word “like” is often a trigger for the use of a metaphor.” ( :167)

“”What would be a better metaphor?” ( :167)

“For example, if I were to ask you what life means to you, or what your metaphor for life is, you might say, “Life is like a constant battle” or “Life is a war.” If you were to adopt this metaphor, you’d begin to adopt a series of beliefs that come with it. Like the example of the atom and the solar system, you’d begin to conduct your behavior based on a set of unconscious beliefs that are carried within this metaphor.” ( :167)

“For some people, life is a game. How might that color your perceptions? Life might be fun—what a concept! It might be somewhat competitive. It might be a chance for you to play and enjoy yourself a lot more. Some people say, “If it’s a game, then there are going to be losers.”” ( :168)

“Surely, Mother Teresa’s metaphor for life is that it’s sacred. What if you believed life is sacred? If that were your primary metaphor, you might have more reverence for it—or you might think that you weren’t allowed to have so much fun. What if you believe life is a gift? All of a sudden it becomes a surprise, something fun, something special. What if you think life is a dance? Wouldn’t that be a kick? It would be something beautiful, something you do with other people, something with grace, rhythm, and joy. Which of these metaphors properly represents life?” ( :168)

“holding a knife, while screaming at the top of his lungs, “I’m blacking out, I’m blacking out!” A psychiatrist who was sitting two rows in front of him shouted, “Oh, my God! He’s having a psychotic breakdown!” Fortunately, I didn’t accept the psychiatrists label of Transformational Vocabulary. Instead, all I knew was that I needed to change the excited man’s state instantly. I had not developed the concept of global metaphors yet; I just did what I knew how to do best. I interrupted his pattern. I went up to him and yelled, “Then just white it out! Use that stuff you use when you’re typing! White it out!” The man was stunned for a moment. He stopped what he was doing, and everybody paused to see what would happen next. Within a matter of seconds his face and body changed, and he started to breathe differently. I said, “White out the whole thing.” Then I asked him how he felt and he said, “That feels a lot better.” So I said, “Well, then, sit down,”” ( :169)

“global metaphor about life that made her such a fanatic for detail and almost spiteful in her approach. I asked her, “What are you trying to gain by doing this? I know you must have a positive intent. What is your belief about life, or about details, or about whether things are right or wrong?” She said, “J guess I just believe that small leaks sink the ship.” If you thought you were going to drown, wouldn’t you be a little fanatical about finding any possibility of a leak? That’s how this woman viewed life!” ( :170)

“For years, people asked me what it was I did exactly. At various times I tried different metaphors— “I’m a teacher,” “I’m a student,” “I’m a hunter of human excellence,” “I’m a speaker,” “I’m a national best-selling author,” “I’m a peak performance consultant,” “I’m a therapist,” “I’m a counselor”—but none of them conveyed the right feeling. People gave me plenty of metaphors. I was known by many in the media as a “guru.” This is a metaphor I avoided because I felt that the presupposition that went with it was that people were dependent upon me to create their change—which would never empower them. Since I believe that we all must be responsible for our own change, I avoided this metaphor. One day, though, I finally got it. “I’m a coach,” I thought. What is a coach? To me, a coach is a person who is your friend, someone who really cares about you. A coach is committed to helping you be the best that you can be. A coach will challenge you, not let you off the hook.” ( :171)

“Coaches have knowledge and experience because they’ve been there before. They aren’t any better than the people they are coaching (this took away my need to have to be perfect for the people I was “teaching”).” ( :171)

“And everyone needs a coach, whether it’s a top-level executive, a graduate student, a homemaker, a homeless person, or the president of the United States! As soon as I started using this metaphor, it immediately changed the way I felt about myself. I felt less stressed, more relaxed; I felt closer to people. I didn’t have to be “perfect” or “better.” I began to have more fun, and my impact on people multiplied manyfold.” ( :171)

“That night, Martin found himself alone, tossing and turning, perspiring profusely, and beginning to experience intense pain. By morning he began to have a massive heart attack. Portions of his body became numb and paralyzed. He fell to the ground, and through nothing but the sheer power of his will, crawled out the door and yelled for help. Lying there on the ground, he said he actually had the experience of dying. All of a sudden, everything felt calm and smooth. He could see himself moving across the lake and the water in the distance. He thought to himself, “Oh, this is what dying is,” and it was then that he realized that he wasn’t afraid of dying, that he had really been afraid of life!” ( :172)

“”It’s just a movie, babe! It’s only a movie!”” ( :172)

“experience for decades, and the Berlin Wall served as a physical symbol for the imposing barrier that divided all of Europe. When the Berlin Wall came down in November 1989, more than just a stone wall was demolished. The destruction of that one symbol instantly provided a new metaphor that changed the beliefs of multitudes of people about what was possible in their lifetimes. Why did people have so much fun digging away at an old, crumbling wall when there were plenty of gates they could go through? It was because knocking down the wall was a universal metaphor for possibility, freedom, and breaking through barriers.” ( :173)

“ers in personal development. It’s the simple story of a stonecutter. How does a stonecutter break open a giant boulder? He starts out with a big hammer and whacks the boulder as hard as he can. The first time he hits it, there’s not a scratch, not a chip—nothing. He pulls back the hammer and hits it again and again—100, 200, 300 times without even a scratch. After all this effort, the boulder may not show even the slightest crack, but he keeps on hitting it. People sometimes pass by and laugh at him for persisting when obviously his actions are having no effect. But a stonecutter is very intelligent. He knows that just because you don’t see immediate results from your current actions, it doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. He keeps hitting at different points in the stone, over and over again, and at some point—maybe on the 500th or 700th hit, maybe on the 1,0004th hit—the stone doesn’t just chip, but literally splits in half.” ( :175)

“”There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.” CARL JUNG” ( :176)

“I’ve heard it said that the only difference between a rut and a grave is a few feet, and over a century ago, Thoreau observed that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”” ( :177)

“Trying to deny your emotions is not the solution. Understanding them and using them is the strategy you’ll learn in this chapter.” ( :178)

“So many people feel that they have to wait for certain experiences in order to feel the emotions they desire. For instance, they don’t give themselves permission to feel loved or happy or confident unless a particular set of expectations is met. I’m here to tell you that you can feel any way you choose at any moment in time.” ( :179)

“supposedly intelligent before they arrived! As everyone sits back down, uproarious laughter ensues. What’s the lesson? You don’t have to wait for anything or anyone! You don’t need any special reason to feel good—you can just decide to feel good right now, simply because you’re alive, simply because you want to.” ( :180)

“You never want to make your emotions wrong. The idea that anything you feel is “wrong” is a great way to destroy honest communication with yourself as well as with others. Be thankful that there’s a part of your brain that is sending you a signal of support, a call to action to make a change in either your perception of some aspect of your life or in your actions. If you’re willing to trust your emotions, knowing that even though you don’t understand them at the moment, each and every one you experience is there to support you in making a positive change, you will immediately stop the war you once had with yourself. Instead, you’ll feel yourself moving toward simple solutions. Making an emotion “wrong” will rarely cause it to become less intense. Whatever you resist tends to persist. Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions, and like a child that needs attention, you’ll find your emotions “calming down” almost immediately.” ( :181)

“The quickest, simplest, and most powerful way I know to handle any emotion is to remember a time when you felt a similar emotion and realize that you’ve successfully handled this emotion before. Since you handled it in the past, surely you can handle it again today.” ( :182)

“Remember, the best time to handle an emotion is when you first begin to feel it. It’s much more difficult to interrupt an emotional pattern once it’s full-blown. My philosophy is, “Kill the monster while it’s little.” Use this system quickly, as soon as the Action Signal makes itself known, and you’ll find yourself being able to quickly handle virtually any emotion.” ( :183)

“Reading this list of Action Signals won’t give you instant mastery of your emotions. You’ve got to use these distinctions consistently in order to reap their benefits. I suggest that you reread this section several times, underlining the areas that are especially significant for you, and then write down the Action Signals on a 3 x 5 card you can carry with you everywhere,” ( :183)

“You’re not inadequate. You may be untrained or unskilled in a particular area, but you’re not inadequate. The capability for greatness in anything is within you even now.” ( :188)

“the book A Course in Miracles: all communication is either a loving response or a cry for help.” ( :190)

“response or a cry for help. If someone comes to you in a state of hurt or anger, and you consistently respond to them with love and warmth, eventually their state will change and their intensity will melt away.” ( :190)

“”If you could only love enough, you could be the most powerful person in the world.”” ( :190)

“You’ve achieved cheerfulness the day you realize that no matter what’s happening around you, being anything other than cheerful will not make it better.” ( :192)

“Don’t fall into the trap, though, of trying to contribute to others at your own expense—playing the martyr won’t give you a true sense of contribution.” ( :193)

“contribute to others at your own expense—playing the martyr won’t give you a true sense of contribution. But if you can consistently give to yourself and others on a measurable scale that allows you to know that your life has mattered, you’ll have a sense of connection with people and a sense of pride and self-esteem that no amount of money, accomplishments, fame, or acknowledgment could ever give. A sense of contribution makes all of life worthwhile. Imagine what a better world it would be if all of us cultivated a sense of contribution!” ( :193)

“Finally, at the age of thirteen, the boy had an encounter he’d dreamed of his whole life. He walked into an ice cream parlor after a 49ers game against the Browns, and whom should he see but his long-time idol! He approached the football star and said, “Mr. Brown, I’m your biggest fan!” Graciously, Brown thanked him. The young boy persisted. “Mr. Brown, you know what?” Brown turned to him again and said, “What is it, son?” The young boy said, “I know every record you’ve ever set, every touchdown you’ve ever scored!” Jim Brown smiled and said, “That’s great,” and returned to his conversation. The young man persisted, “Mr. Brown! Mr. Brown!” Jim Brown turned to him yet again. This time the young man stared deep into his eyes with a passion so intense Brown could feel it and said, “Mr. Brown, one day I’m going to break every one of your records!”” ( :198)

“e football legend smiled and said, “That’s great, kid. What’s your name?” The boy grinned from ear to ear and said, “Orenthal, sir. Orenthal James Simpson … My friends call me O.J.”” ( :198)

“All goal setting must be immediately followed by both the development of a plan, and massive and consistent action toward its fulfillment.” ( :199)

“Or they lack the flexibility to notice that as they move in the direction of their goals, there are better, more worthy goals all around them.” ( :199)

“course. What else is there?” I said, “It’s true: you all seem so happy here in Fiji.” One man replied, “Yes, I think that here in Fiji we are the happiest people on earth … Of course, I’ve never been anywhere else!” which set off another round of raucous laughter. Then they decided to break their own rules and bring Becky into the hut. They brought over the only kerosene lamp in the village, along with ukuleles and mandolins, and pretty soon the bure was filled with the entire village as the men, women, and children sang to us in beautiful four-part Fijian harmony. It was one of the most powerful and deeply moving experiences of our lives. The most incredible thing about these people is that they wanted nothing from us except to share the bountiful happiness they felt for life.” ( :205)

“This man who brightened so many lives became a cultural hero through a rather indirect route. He grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive environment where his parents fought constantly, his father being Jewish (and hating Catholics) and his mother being a Catholic (who was also anti-Semitic). His mother frequently staged melodramatic suicide attempts and often pursued Michael to the local teen hangout, where she’d jump out of a taxi to beat him with a coat hanger. A chronic bed wetter by the time he reached high school, Michael was afflicted with uncontrollable gulping85 facial tics and was making involuntary sounds.” ( :207)

“As he pushed himself to match his past performances, he injured himself so badly that he was out for the year, and the athletic department made it so difficult for him he was compelled to leave. In order to support himself, he had to unload freight in a manufacturing plant. It looked as though his dream had died. How would he ever meet his vision of being an international track star? Fortunately, one day he was spotted by a Hollywood talent agent who asked him to try out for the part of Little Joe Cartwright in what would be the first color western on television. Bonanza. After that, there was no looking back. Michael’s career as an actor, and eventually a director and producer, was launched. Missing his dream had given him his future. But the pursuit of his original goals, and the direction they took him, sculpted both his physical body and his character, two of the elements of growth that were necessary to prepare him for his ultimate future. Sometimes we need to trust that disguise91. our disappointments may truly be opportunities in” ( :208)

“Another example of Guber’s persistence was making the film Rain Man. This film should never even have survived. At various stages of its completion, the script was handled by five writers, and three directors walked off the project, including Steven Spielberg. Some of them wanted Peter Guber to change the script by adding some action, some murders, or at least some sex. They argued that no one would ever watch a film that featured nothing but two guys sitting in a car and traveling across retarded92.” the country, especially when one was “” ( :209)

“use a mechanism in their brains known as the Reticular Activating System. It sounds complex, and undoubtedly the actual process is, but the function of your RAS is simple and profound: it determines what you will notice and what you will pay attention to. It is the screening device of your mind. Remember that your conscious mind can focus only on a limited number of elements at any one time, so your brain expends a lot of effort deciding what not to pay attention to. There are countless stimuli bombarding you right now, but your brain deletes most of it and focuses on what you believe is important. Its mechanism for achieving this is the RAS. Thus your RAS is directly responsible for how much of reality you consciously experience.” ( :210)

“This shift in mental posture aligns you more precisely with your goals. Once you decide that something is a priority, you give it tremendous emotional intensity, and by continually focusing on it, any resource that supports its attainment will eventually become clear.” ( :210)

“On that day, I set specific goals that transformed my life. I described the woman of my dreams, detailing what she would be like mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I described what my kids would be like, the huge income that I would enjoy, and the home that I would live in, including the third-story circular office area that would overlook the ocean. A year and a half later. Life magazine was in my home, interviewing me as to how I had made such incredible shifts in my life. When I pulled out my map to show them all the goals I had written down, it was amazing to see how many I’d achieved. I had met the woman I described, and married her. I had found and purchased the home I’d envisioned, down to the finest detail, including the third-story office in the turret of the castle, overlooking the ocean. When I wrote them down initially, I had no assurances whatsoever that these goals could be achieved. But I had been willing to suspend judgment for a short period of time in order to make it work.” ( :211)

“reasons—I could always figure out how to achieve it. Goals alone can inspire, but knowing the deepest reasons why you want them in the first place can provide you with the long-lasting drive and motivation necessary to persist and achieve.” ( :213)

“goal is the end. But if we had a greater understanding we’d realize that often in the pursuit of our goals, we set in motion processional effects that have consequences even more far reaching than we ever intended.” ( :218)

“outrunning our dream. How many times have we read about people who achieve their ultimate life goals only to say, “Is that all there is?” because they feel they have no place to go from the top? A classic example of this is several Apollo astronauts who prepared their entire lives for the ultimate mission: to land on the moon. When they finally did it they were euphoric, but after returning to earth, some of them developed a level of emotional depression beyond what most people could imagine.” ( :220)

“Every great, successful person I know shares the capacity to remain centered, clear and powerful in the midst of emotional “storms.” How do they accomplish this? Most of them have a fundamental rule: In life, never spend more than 10 percent of your time on the problem, and spend at least 90 percent of your time on the solution. Most important, don’t sweat the small stuff. . . and remember, it’s all small stuff!” ( :226)

“When I first tried this exercise, after doing it for three days I got caught up and angry about something and indulged for about five minutes in negative emotions before I realized what I was doing. I had to start all over. On my second trip through, on the sixth day, I ran into some major challenges, but at this point I was committed. I wasn’t about to start over again! So I immediately found myself focusing on the solution. The benefit, as you can guess, was not just staying with my mental diet, but I began conditioning myself for a tremendous, lifelong pattern of staying in a positive emotional state, even when there were challenges around me, and focusing the majority of my energy on solutions.” ( :227)

“”We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” JOHN DRYDEN” ( :228)

“Success is processional. It’s the result of a series of small disciplines that lead us into habitual patterns of success that no longer require consistent will or effort.” ( :229)

“What you may decide to commit to doing is something I do on an ongoing basis throughout my life: become a reader.” ( :230)

“Years ago, one of my teachers, Jim Rohn, taught me that reading something of substance, something of value, something that was nurturing, something that taught you new distinctions every day, was more important than eating. He got me hooked on the idea of reading a minimum of thirty minutes a day. He said, “Miss a meal, but don’t miss your reading.”” ( :230)

 

PART 2
TAKING CONTROL THE MASTER SYSTEM

 

“to offer solutions that truly make a difference in the quality of people’s lives. I’m fascinated to probe below the surface to find out the “why” behind a person’s behavior, to discover their core beliefs, questions, metaphors, references and values. Because my forte is being able to produce immediate and measurable results, out of necessity I’ve learned how to quickly locate key leverage points for facilitating change.” ( :232)

“After all, you wouldn’t judge the stock market based solely on one day when the Dow-Jones Average plunges twenty points. By the same token, you can’t judge a person’s character by one isolated incident. People are not their behaviors.” ( :233)

“For example, one person may have learned to link pleasure to the idea of feeling secure, while someone else may have linked pain to the same idea because their family’s obsession with security caused them never to experience a sense of freedom. Some people try to succeed, yet at the same time they avoid rejection at all costs. Can you see how this values conflict might cause a person to feel frustrated or immobilized?” ( :236)

“To say the least, the judge was impressed. This was the start of a brilliant career, and today, more than 3,000 arrests later. Dog has one of the best records in the country, if not the best. He has averaged over 360 arrests a year—essentially one arrest a day. What is the key to his success? quarry110′ Certainly a critical factor is the evaluations he makes. Dog interviews his s relatives or loved ones, and in a variety of ways he elicits the information he needs. He discovers some of the beliefs, values, and habitual rules of the man or woman he’s pursuing. He now understands their life references, which enables him to think the same way they would and anticipate their moves with uncanny precision. He understands their Master System and his results speak for themselves.” ( :238)

“So instead of just conditioning yourself to feel differently about rejection and eliminating the fearful behaviors, you can adopt a new global belief that says, “I am the source of all my emotions. Nothing and no one can change how I feel except me. If I find myself in reaction to anything, I can change it in a moment.” If you truly adopt this belief, not intellectually, but emotionally where you feel it with absolute certainty, can you see how that would eliminate not only your fear of rejection, but also your feelings of anger or frustration or inadequacy?” ( :239)

“ceases111.” Take away the cause, and the effect MIGUEL DE CERVANTES” ( :239)

“Pretty soon the man is exhausted, having rescued victim after victim, and yet the screams continue. If only he had taken the time to travel a short distance upriver, he could have discovered who was throwing all those people in the water in the first place! He could have saved all his efforts by addressing the problem at its cause rather than its effect.” ( :239)

“splendid116 “Nothing has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.” BRUCE BARTON” ( :243)

“What can we learn from all this? In our personal and professional lives, as well as on the global front, we must get clear about what is most important in our lives and decide that we will live by these values, no matter what happens. This consistency must occur regardless of whether the environment rewards us for living by our standards or not. We must live by our principles even when it “rains on our parade,” even if no one gives us the support we need. The only way for us to have longterm happiness is to live by our highest ideals, to consistently act in accordance with what we believe our life is truly about.” ( :246)

“If I asked you, “What does family give you?,” you might say, “Love, security, happiness.” What you tmly value—the ends you’re after—are love, security, and happiness. Similarly, with money, I could ask you, “What does money really mean to you? What does it give you?” You might say, “Freedom, impact, the ability to contribute, a sense of security.” Again, you see, money is merely a means to achieving a much deeper set of values, a set of emotions that you desire to experience on a consistent basis in your life.” ( :248)

“”Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” JOHN WOODEN” ( :249)

“as to what to do was plainly in front of her. The source of her unhappiness was also clear. Before she started working at Disneyland, she was fulfilling her top three values: she felt loved, she was very healthy and fit^ and she felt like she was growing. Thus she began to pursue the next value on her list: accomplishment. But in so doing, she’d created an environment where she achieved, but missed out on her top three values.” ( :252)

“When the plane landed, I approached him with sincerity and warmth and told him that while by no means did I appreciate or approve of his past behavior, I had decided to no longer hold a ferocious level of resentment toward him, and that I actually wished him well. The last memory I have was his stunned face as I turned and walked away. Wow! What an emotional hit! Even in a stressful environment, I’d lived by what I believed was right. Nothing in life can match the fulfillment of knowing you’ve done what you truly believe is the right thing.” ( :264)

“One man behind me started cursing, saying, “I spent $4,000 and traveled all this way, just so I could watch this for four minutes on television?” A woman only a few feet away kept saying, “I can’t believe we missed it!” while her bright little daughter enthusiastically reminded her, “But, Mom, it’s happening right now!” Another woman sitting just to my right said, “Isn’t this incredible? I feel so lucky to be here!”” ( :266)

“But years ago, I made a distinction that changed the quality of my life forever: as long as we structure our lives in a way where our happiness is dependent upon something we cannot control, then we will experience pain.” ( :267)

“When I tell people about this rule, some of them respond, “Yeah, but you’re just lowering your standards.” Nothing could be further from the truth! To adopt this rule is to raise your standards. It means you’ll hold yourself to a higher standard of enjoying yourself despite the conditions of the moment. It means you’ve committed to being intelligent enough, flexible enough, and creative enough to direct your focus and evaluations in a way that allows you to experience the true richness of life—maybe that’s the ultimate rule.” ( :268)

“”Any fool can make a rule—And every fool will mind it.” HENRY DAVID THOREAU” ( :269)

“Bateson turned to his daughter and said, “Honey, it’s not that things get muddled so easily. It’s that you have more ways for things to get muddled. You have only one way for things to be perfect.” Most of us have created numerous ways to feel bad, and only a few ways to truly feel good. I never fail to be amazed at the overwhelming number of people whose rules wire them for pain. It’s as if they have a vast and intricate network of neural pathways leading to the very states they’re trying to avoid, and yet they have only a handful of neural pathways that they’ve connected to pleasure.” ( :270)

“What followed was a litany of rigid rules and requirements that he felt he must meet in order to be successful in his life. He had to earn $3 million a year in salary (he was currently earning only $1.5 million in straight salary, but an additional $2 million in bonuses—this didn’t count, though), he had to have 8 percent body fat (he was at 9 percent), and he had to never get frustrated with his kids (remember that he had five of them, all going in different directions in life). What do you think are this man’s chances of feeling successful, when he has to meet all of these intense and arguably unreasonable criteria simultaneously? Will he ever feel successful?” ( :271)

“Certainly you could base it on something this simple. Ideally, though, you’ll design your rules so that by pursuing them you have more of what you want in your life. You also may say, “Won’t I lose my drive to succeed if there’s no pain motivation?” Trust me. Life will give you enough pain on your own if you don’t follow through. You don’t need to add to it by creating an intense set of rules that makes you feel lousy all the time.” ( :277)

“Every person around you has different rules and values than you do, and theirs are no better or worse than your own. The key question is not whether rules are right or wrong, but whether they empower or disempower you. In fact.” ( :277)

“We had radically different rules about how to show respect for another person. Why? I grew up in an environment where you got a lot of pain if you weren’t honest. If you walked out of the room in the middle of a conversation, you would never live it down.” ( :278)

“Don’t expect people to live by your rules if you don’t clearly communicate what they are. And don’t expect people to live by your rules if you’re not willing to compromise and live by some of theirs. For example, in the beginning of any relationship, one of the first things I do is let the other party know my rules for the situation,” ( :280)

“situation, and try to find out as many of their rules as possible. I ask things like “What will it take for you to know that our relationship is working? How often do we have to communicate? What is necessary?”” ( :280)

“under tremendous stress because of increased expectations. If we’re burdened with zest152 too many musts to meet, we lose our enthusiasm and for life; we just don’t want to play the game anymore. High self-esteem comes from feeling like you have control over events, not that events have control over you. And when you have a lot of “must” rules, the chances of them being violated are great.” ( :282)

“1. What does it take for you to feel successful? 2. What does it take for you to feel loved—by your kids, by your spouse, by your parents, and by whoever else is important to you? 3. What does it take for you to feel confident? 4. What does it take for you to feel you are excellent in any area of your life?” ( :283)

“Did Saddam Hussein become a murderer purely because of his references of being abused as a child? Far from it. Many people have emerged from very similar reference experiences as compassionate and sensitive people who, because of their pain, would never allow anyone else to be abused around them. Many of these people strive to help others. Could someone else have been on that same ship with George Bush and been devastated by the death of their friend, and used that as a reference for the” ( :287)

“belief that life is not worth living or that war is never justified? You bet. Once again, it’s not our references, but our interpretations of them, the way we organize them—that clearly determine our beliefs.” ( :288)

“Corporation and an unbelievably brilliant man. The destiny of Sony, just like any individual’s, is the result of a series of decisions. In his book, Morita discloses that one of the toughest and most important decisions he ever made was to turn down an offer from Bulova Corporation to purchase 100,000 of his breakthrough transistor radios—at a time when his company was not even moving 10,000 units a month. The amount of money they offered him was ten times what his company was worth at the time, yet after deep consideration he rejected the deal. Why? Simply because Bulova wanted to put their own name on the radio. He realized that while in the short term saying yes would give his company a huge jump, he would be building Bulova’s name instead of Sony’s.” ( :290)

“the W. Mitchells of the world, or my good friend Mique Davis, who, in his drunken youth, decided to jump off a bridge but didn’t realize the water was only about two feet deep. He instantly became paralyzed from the neck down. These people begin to share from their hearts how great life is, how happy they are to be alive, how much they’ve been able to accomplish. Or I bring in my good friend Dax, who was trapped in a fire, had his entire body burned, and was blinded. Later, in spite of all these challenges, he became a practicing attorney.” ( :292)

“Now, do you think you have problems? He left behind a wife and four small children. I was devastated by the story; I couldn’t believe it. How do you come out with a positive meaning from an experience that seems to have none? I couldn’t even imagine this happening to a member of my family and what it would do to me. I kept asking myself what I could do to help. I immediately called his widow and offered to help her in any way I could. My primary goal was to make sure that she was trying to find some form of empowering meaning for herself and her children from this experience. It would have been too easy to use this as a reference to back up a belief that life is not worth living, that humankind is evil and destructive, that you can do everything right and still be mowed down like a blade of grass, so why even try?” ( :293)

“I communicated to this woman the importance for her children’s sake of somehow finding in this experience a shred of meaning to empower them at some level. When I asked her what this experience could mean, she expressed how deep her pain was, but more important, the one thing about this experience that was positive was that when the story was made known in the newspapers, an unbelievable amount of love, support, and caring poured forth. She received literally hundreds of letters and offers of support from people in the community, people from all walks of life. She said, “I realized that if I believed that people were destructive or that this meant that life was unfair, I’d destroy myself and my children.” ( :293)

“Could it be possible that what seem like the worst days in our lives are actually the most powerful in terms of the lessons we can choose to learn from them? Think about one of the worst experiences that has ever happened to you. As you look back upon it now, can you think of any ways in which it had some kind of positive impact on your life? Maybe you were fired, or mugged, or involved in a car accident, but out of that experience you gained a new resolve, or a new awareness that caused you to grow as a person and measurably increased your ability to contribute.” ( :294)

“questions. If you were abused as a child, maybe it made you a more sensitive person toward children and caused you to make the decision to break that generational chain of abuse; if you grew up in a very restrictive environment, perhaps it drove you to fight for the freedom of others; if you felt that you never were loved enough, you may now be a major giver. Or maybe just that “horrible” event caused you to make new decisions, to change the direction of your life, and therefore your destiny. Perhaps your worst days have really been your best.” ( :294)

“The choices I have in my life come from a rich set of reference experiences that I have consciously pursued on an ongoing basis. Each day I look for ways to expand. Into my thirty-one years I’ve packed literally hundreds of years of experience. How can I say that? The number of challenging and enriching experiences that I have in a month relates more closely to what most people experience over a period of years. One of the major ways I began to do this, starting at the age of seventeen, was through the rich experiences that books provide. Early in my life, I developed the belief that leaders are readers. Books could take me to other lands where I could meet unique people like Abraham Lincoln or Ralph Waldo Emerson whom I could utilize as my personal coaches.” ( :296)

“If you want to expand your life, go for it! Pursue some experiences that you’ve never had before. Go scuba diving. Explore the undersea world, and find out what life’s like and what you’re like in a whole new environment. Go skydiving. When you’re sitting on the edge of a plane 12,500 feet in the air, and you know you’re going to fall for an entire minute at 120 miles an hour, to get yourself out of that plane requires absolute faith. You don’t know what faith is until you have this reference! Go take that helicopter lesson. I assure you, it will change your life forever. Take four days and go to racing school. You’ll learn more about limits and possibility than you could imagine. Go spend an evening at the symphony, if it’s not something you usually do—or a rock conceit, if that’s what you habitually avoid. Expand your level of choice. One day, spontaneously, go by a children’s hospital during visiting hours. Go meet some strangers and tell some stories. The challenge to develop rapport and find a way to touch others’ lives will change you forever.” ( :297)

“My son marveled at his very long beard and was a little bit scared. I handed Jairek the basket of food and other survival goodies, and said, “Go on and give it to this man, and wish him a Happy Thanksgiving.” Jairek approached cautiously. As he went into the bathroom with a basket that was as big as he was, he set it down gently. The man looked like he was either drunk or asleep. Jairek touched the man and said, “Happy Thanksgiving!” All of a sudden, the man bolted upright and grabbed my son’s hand. My heart leaped into my throat, and just hoarsely173, as I started to spring forward, the man took Jairek’s hand and kissed it. He whispered “Thank you for caring.” Boy, what a reference for a four-year-old!” ( :298)

“”Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so.” CHARLES DE GAULLE” ( :300)

“Time and again, researchers have shown that students’ capabilities are powerfully impacted by the identities they develop for themselves as the result of teachers’ belief in their level of intelligence. In one study, a group of teachers were told that certain students in their classes were truly gifted and to make sure that they challenged them to continue to expand. As can be expected, these children became the top achievers in their class. What makes this study significant is that these students had not actually demonstrated higher levels of intelligence—and, in fact, some had previously been labeled poor students. Yet it was their sense of certainty that they were superior (which had been instilled I by a teacher’s “false belief) that triggered their success.” ( :301)

“The Pygmalion effect also works in reverse. If you feel certain that you are “learning-disabled,” it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is quite different from believing that your current strategy for learning is ineffective.” ( :302)

“However, changing ourselves—changing the essence of who we are—is perceived by most to be next to impossible. The common response, “I’m just this way,” is a phrase that murders dreams. It carries with it the sentence of an unchangeable and permanent problem.” ( :303)

“If you don’t know who you are, then how can you decide what to do? How can you formulate values, adopt beliefs, or establish rules? How can you judge whether something is good, bad, or indifferent? The biggest challenge for someone who perceives his identity as a drug addict is: what does he change his identity to? To a “recovering drug addict”? This doesn’t change his identity; it merely describes the state he’s in currently.” ( :303)

“”Drug-free” doesn’t do it either, because most see it as a temporary state—and it still focuses on drugs as one of the ways of defining oneself. When this person develops the conviction that he is absolutely clean, that he’s now a “Christian,” “Muslim,” “Jew,” or “Buddhist,” or now that he’s a “leader”—or anything else other than a “drug addict”—that’s when his behavior changes. As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity.” ( :303)

“Why is it that during the Korean War more American POWs informed on their fellow prisoners than in any other war in modem history? The answer is that the Chinese Communists, unlike their allies, the North Koreans, understood the power of identity to instantaneously change not only their long-held beliefs and values, but their actions, in an instant. Rather than brutalize the prisoners, they doggedly181 warfare182 pursued their own ingenious form of psychological designed not merely to extract information or create compliance, but rather to convert the American fighting man to their political philosophy. They knew that if they could lead him into a new set of beliefs and values, then he futile183 would see his country’s role in the war as and destructive, and therefore assist them in any way they requested. And they succeeded. Understanding what they did can help you understand how you’ve arrived at your current identity and how you can expand your identity, and therefore your entire life, in a matter of moments.” ( :304)

“Their plan was very simple: start small, and build. The Chinese understood that the way we identify anyone is by their actions. For example, how do you know who your friend really is? Isn’t it by the way he or she acts, the way he or she treats people?” ( :305)

“anyone is by their actions. For example, how do you know who your friend really is? Isn’t it by the way he or she acts, the way he or she treats people? The Communists’ real secret, though, was that they understood that we determine who we are—our own identities—by judging our own actions as well. In other words, we look at what we do to determine who we are. The Chinese realized that in order to achieve their broader objective of changing the prisoner’s beliefs about his identity, all they had to do was get the prisoner to do things that a collaborator or a Communist would do.” ( :305)

“POW down through conversation that lasted twelve to twenty hours, and then make a minor request: get him to say something like “The United States is not perfect” or “It’s true in a Communist country that unemployment is not a problem.” Having established this footing, the Chinese would simply start small and build.” ( :305)

“When the Chinese broadcast these essays, along with the names of the prisoners who had written them, suddenly the prisoner would find himself publicly identified as an enemy “collaborator.” When fellow prisoners asked him why he did it, he couldn’t defend himself by saying he’d been tortured. He had to justify his acts to himself in order to maintain his own sense of integrity. In an instant, he would state that he wrote it because it was true!” ( :305)

“order to maintain his own sense of integrity. In an instant, he would state that he wrote it because it was true! In that moment, his identity shifted.” ( :305)

“1) If you were to look in the dictionary under your name, what would it say? Would three words just about cover it, or would your epic narrative consume page after page, or demand a volume of its own?” ( :310)

“2) If you were to create an ID card that would represent who you truly are, what would be on it—and what would you leave off? Would it include a picture or not? Would you list your vital statistics? Your physical description? Your accomplishments? Your emotions? Your beliefs? Your affiliations? Your aspirations? Your motto? Your abilities? Take a moment to describe what would be on this identity card and what would be left off in order to show someone who you really are.” ( :310)

“She told me, “It’s like what you do. Tony. If you did a whole seminar about breaking through fear and limitation, but refused to do the Firewalk, it just wouldn’t work. You have to walk your talk.”” ( :311)

“1. Make a list right now of all the elements of your identity you want to have. As you make the list, revel in the power you have right now to change simply by deciding to. Who are some people who have these characteristics you aspire to having? Can they serve as role models? Imagine yourself fusing with this new identity. Imagine how you’d breathe. How would you walk? How would you talk? How would you think? How would you feel?” ( :312)

“2. If you’d truly like to expand your identity and your life, then, right now, consciously decide who you want to be. Get excited, be like a kid again, and describe in detail who you’ve decided you are today. Take a moment now to write down your expanded list.” ( :312)

“want to be. Get excited, be like a kid again, and describe in detail who you’ve decided you are today. Take a moment now to write down your expanded list. 3. Now develop a plan of action you could take that would cause you to know that you’re truly living consistently with your new identity. In developing this plan, pay special attention to the friends you’re choosing to spend time with. Will they reinforce or destroy the identity you’re creating?” ( :312)

“4. The final step is to commit to your new identity by broadcasting it to everyone around you. The most important broadcast, however, is to yourself. Use your new label to describe yourself every single day, and it will become conditioned within you.” ( :313)

“That’s why my identity is not limited by my past references. If you were to ask me who I am today (and I might decide to change tomorrow!), I would say that I am a creator of possibility, an instigator of joy, a catalyst for growth, a builder of people, and a producer of passion. I am not a motivator, a preacher, or a guru. I am one of the nation’s experts in the psychology of change. I am a coach, an entrepreneur, a husband, a father, a lover, a friend, an entertainer, a television personality, a nationally best-selling author, one of the most impactful speakers in the nation, a black belt, a jet helicopter pilot, an international businessman, a health expert, an advocate for the homeless, a philanthropist, a teacher, a person who makes a difference, a force for good, a healer, a challenger . . . and a fun, outrageous, and humble kind o’ guy!” ( :313)

“”If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” THOMAS A. EDISON” ( :313)

“”Boy, do they look healthy.” There’s nothing like a little contrast to remind us of how fortunate we all are!” ( :314)

 

PART THREE
THE SEVEN DAYS TO SHAPE YOUR LIFE

 

“”Seeing is believing, but feeling’s the truth.” THOMAS FULLER, M.D.” ( :317)

“His goal was to break a world record. For eleven straight days, he had been running twenty-one hours a day and sleeping a mere three hours a night. The mental challenge was as great as the physical challenge: he had to travel from the everyday world he’d lived in his entire life into one where his primary objective was the next step. He devoted years of training not only to his body, but also to his mind. His objective? To demonstrate the unlimited physical potential that lies locked within us all. By breaking the previous record and running over 1,000 miles in eleven days and nineteen hours, at an average of eighty-four miles per day, Stu Mittleman demonstrated that by understanding how to condition both the mind and body, one can produce results far beyond anything society would consider possible.” ( :319)

“Certainly, Stu was well-prepared for his run. He has master’s degrees in sports psychology, sociology, and social psychology, and is working toward a doctorate in exercise physiology at Columbia University.” ( :320)

“What exactly do I mean by the difference between health and fitness? Fitness is “the physical ability to perform athletic activity.” Health, however, is denned as “the state where all the systems of the digestive209, body—nervous, muscular, skeletal, circulatory, lymphatic, hormonal, etc.—are working in an optimal way ….” Most people think that fitness implies health, but the truth is that they don’t necessarily go hand in hand.” ( :320)

“According to Dr. Maffetone, this is accomplished by understanding that all exercise programs require that you begin by building an aerobic base—a period of time during which your entire exercise program is exclusively based upon aerobic activity without any anaerobic exercise at all. This base period may last from a minimum of two to a maximum of about eight months, during which your aerobic system is developed and maximized.” ( :321)

“Thus, if you want to lose that persistent layer of fat around your midsection, you must train your body to bum fat, not sugar.” ( :322)

“anaerobic, here’s a simple test: when you’re exercising, can you talk (aerobic)? Or are you too winded (anaerobic)?” ( :323)

“When I asked Stu Mittleman what he recommends as a workout schedule, he suggested starting out with at least three sessions a week, with fifteen minutes of warm-up, twenty minutes at your aerobic training zone, and fifteen minutes of cool-down. Then graduate to longer sessions as you see fit.” ( :324)

“2. Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ( :327)

“been touched by the experience of financial stress? Many people make the mistake of thinking that all the challenges in their lives would dissipate if they just had enough money. Nothing could be further from the truth.” ( :330)

“associations to what it would take to have more money, as well as what it would mean to have excess money, i.e., money beyond what they need to support their current lifestyle. As you learned in Chapter 5, your brain knows what to do only when it has a clear association about what it needs to avoid and what it needs to move toward.” ( :331)

“ry of alchemy. Paul has recently written a book that I highly recommend—the title itself reflects his core belief and the evidence he has to back it up: we live in a resource-rich environment. He calls it Unlimited Wealth. Paul points out that we are in a unique time in human history, where the traditional idea of obtaining scarce physical resources is no longer the primary arbiter of wealth. Today, technology determines the value of a physical resource and how large a supply of it actually exists.” ( :332)

“True wealth, Paul says, comes from the ability to practice what he calls “economic alchemy,” which is the ability to take something that has very little value and convert it into something of significantly greater value. In medieval times, those who practiced alchemy were trying to convert lead into gold. They failed. But in attempting this process, they laid the foundation for the science of chemistry.” ( :333)

“I have a simple question for you. Can you earn twice as much money as you do now in the same amount of time? Can you earn three times as much money? Ten times? Is it possible that you could earn 1,000 times the amount of money you do now in the same amount of time? Absolutely!—if you find a way to be worth 1,000 times more to your company or your fellow man.” ( :333)

“I became a very wealthy man at an extremely young age for one reason: I mastered skills and abilities that could instantaneously increase the quality of life for virtually anyone. Then I figured out a way to share that information and those skills with a huge number of people in a short period of time. As a result, I have prospered not only emotionally, but financially as well.” ( :334)

“For example, I remember a massage therapist who was one of the most successful in his field in the San Diego area, and he wanted to know how he could increase his earnings when he was booked solid. He couldn’t see one more person a day, and he was already charging the highest rates in his field. As he began to brainstorm new ideas, focusing on how he could take the resources he had to help his patients and others, he began to realize that if he could team up with someone who owned a physicaltherapy unit, and refer his patients who needed help, he could receive a referral fee. His income is now almost double, working the same number of hours a day. All he did was find a way to add more value to both his doctors and his clients. Since he knew the doctors well, and they understood his form of therapy, there was a greater consistency of care between them, and he benefited financially in the process.” ( :335)

“Adding value is not just creating products; it’s finding a way to make sure that more people experience an increase in the quality of life.” ( :336)

“The annual incomes of people who attend our Financial Destiny seminars range from $30,000 up to $2 million, with the average being around $100,000.” ( :337)

“Let me offer you a simple and dramatic example of the power of compounding. If you fold a cloth napkin (1/32 of an inch thick) upon itself once, how thick is it? Obviously, it is 1/16 of an inch. Folded upon itself a second time, its thickness measures 1/8 of an inch. On the third fold, it equals 1/4 of an inch. On the fourth, 1/2 of an inch, and by the fifth fold, the thickness equals 1 inch. Here’s my question for you: How many times would you need to fold this napkin upon itself (compound it) before its thickness would touch the moon? Here’s a clue: the moon is 237,305 miles away. Amazingly, you’d reach the moon on the thirty-ninth fold. By your fiftieth fold, theoretically, the thickness of your napkin would be enough to go to the moon and back 1,179 times!” ( :338)

“states, and next to this list he created a grid of all the days of the month. “Every time I violate any one of these virtues,” he said, “I will put a small black dot next to that value for that day. My goal is to have no black dots on my chart. Then I will know I am truly living these virtues.” He was so proud of his idea that he showed his journal and explained his system to a friend. His friend humility222 said, “Great! Only I think you should add to your list of virtues.” And Benjamin Franklin laughed and added the 13th virtue to his list.” ( :342)

“”What states would I be in if I were my highest and best? What states will I commit to being every single day, no matter what? Regardless of the environment, regardless of whatever challenges break loose around me,” ( :343)

“The first thing that popped into my mind was outrageousness. After all, one of the states on my list outrageous223. was to be So I picked up a copy of my book. Unlimited Power, and started reading it and making all kinds of interesting noises: “Ooooh! Aaaah! Wow, is that true?” Soon a woman walked by, was attracted by my enthusiasm for what clearly had to be a brilliant book, and stopped to see what I was reading. I raved to her about this incredible book, and pointed out all of the best stories and techniques. Someone else stopped to see what all the hubbub was about, then a few other folks joined us, and within around twenty minutes, about twenty-five to thirty people were crowding around me to hear about the great book I had found.” ( :343)

“Wayne Dyer recently shared a great metaphor with me relating to how people blame the way they behave on the pressure they’re feeling. He said, “Pressure doesn’t create negative behavior. Think of yourself as an orange. If an orange is squeezed, if all this pressure is being applied from the outside, what happens? Juice comes out, right? But the only thing that comes out when the pressure is applied is what’s already inside the orange.”” ( :345)

“If you’ve ever felt stress —and who hasn’t?—chances are excellent that it’s because you felt you just didn’t have enough time to do what you wanted to at the level of quality to which you were committed.” ( :346)

“didn’t do what was important—the things that would make a difference long-term. Conversely, have you ever had days when you got only a few things done but at the end felt that this was a day that had really mattered?” ( :347)

“”The great man is he that does not lose his child’s-heart.” MENCIUS” ( :349)

“fight is not over—unregulated foreign tuna boats still kill six times as many dolphins as did the U.S. boats—LaBudde’s day on the Maria Luisa has served as a catalyst for major reform in the American tuna industry, saving countless dolphin lives and undoubtedly helping to restore some balance to the marine ecosystem.” ( :352)

“planet. Such people fall into the mindset of thinking, “Even if I get my own life and the lives of my family in order, what good will it do? Some nut in a position of power could accidentally push the button and blow us all up anyway!” This kind of belief system fosters the feeling of being out of control and impotent to create change at any significant level, and naturally leads to the learned helplessness typified by the phrase, “Why even try?”” ( :352)

“We fail to recognize that it is the small decisions you and I make every day that create our destinies.” ( :352)

“Rather, success or failure is determined by the decisions we make and the actions we take every day.” ( :353)

“For example, when an individual becomes a gang member, that single decision sets in motion a whole series of behaviors and problems. With this new gang identity, he will hold himself to a very specific code of behavior which places utmost value on such things as loyalty to the group, and out of that flows a whole system of characteristic rules and behaviors.” ( :353)

“the one thing we have absolute control over is our internal world—we decide what things mean and what to do about them—and as a result of our decisions, we take actions that impact our external environment.” ( :354)

“The question is: When the moment arrives, will you remember you’re a hero and selflessly respond in support of those in need?” ( :354)

“So many people want to avoid any hint of a problem or challenge, yet surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character.” ( :354)

“One night, as she was walking down the street, she heard a woman crying out for help. It was in the moment that this dying woman fell into” ( :354)

“her arms that Mother Teresa’s life changed forever. Realizing the seriousness of the woman’s condition, Mother rushed her to the hospital, where she was told to sit and wait. She knew the woman would die without immediate attention, so she took her to another hospital. Again, she was told to wait; the woman’s social caste made her less important than the others being treated. Finally, in desperation, Mother Teresa took the woman home. Later that night, she died in the comfort of Mother Teresa’s loving arms. Mother Teresa’s “defining moment” had transpired:” ( :355)

“How do I define a hero? A hero is a person who courageously contributes under even the most trying circumstances; a hero is an individual who acts unselfishly and who demands more from himself or herself than others would expect; a hero is a man or woman who defies adversity by doing what he or she believes is right in spite of fear. A hero moves beyond the “common sense” of the promoters of the status quo. A hero is anyone who aims to contribute, anyone who is willing to set an example, anyone who lives by the truth of his or her convictions. A hero develops strategies to assure his outcome, and persists until it becomes a reality, changing his approach as necessary and understanding the importance of small actions consistently taken. A hero” ( :356)

“recidivism rate of 82 percent.” ( :359)

“form of punishment imaginable, and Frank linked so much pain to this “hell on earth” that he vowed he’d never return. And you know what? He’s not alone. Not surprisingly, French prisons have a recidivism rate of 1 percent and spend about $200 on each prisoner annually (an even more astounding figure when you consider that Americans spend about $30,000 a year on our prisoners, and perpetuate an 82 percent recidivism rate!).” ( :360)

“questions to weaken even the most strongly held beliefs. He asked, “For which of these things would you be willing to die?” In other words, if you knew that by killing someone for a bad haircut you would also die, would you still do it?” ( :362)

“Remember, all behaviors can be changed by changing beliefs, values, rules, and identity.” ( :362)

“The amount of food produced on any prime acre of land is markedly reduced when that food is beef. The same acre of land that would produce 250 pounds of beef would produce 40,000 pounds of potatoes—roughly the difference between feeding one person, and 160 persons!**” ( :365)

“Why are so many people afraid to take such small steps to help others? One of the most common reasons is that they are just embarrassed to be doing something they’re uncertain about. They’re afraid of being rejected or appearing foolish. But you know what? If you want to play the game and win, you’ve got to play “full out.” You’ve got to be willing to feel stupid, and you’ve got to be willing to try things that might not work—and if they don’t work, be willing to change your approach. Otherwise, how could you innovate, how could you grow, how could you discover who you really are?” ( :369)

“”You can’t live a perfect day without doing something/or someone who will never be able to repay you.” —JOHN WOODEN” ( :369)

“Nothing gives us a greater sense of personal satisfaction than contribution. Giving unselfishly is the foundation of fulfillment.” ( :370)

“Years ago, I decided that contribution is not an obligation; it’s an opportunity to give something back. When I was eleven years old, my family did not have enough money one year to afford a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and a charitable organization delivered food to our door. Since then, helping the hungry and homeless has become one of the missions to which I’ve dedicated my life, and, every Thanksgiving since I was eighteen,” ( :372)

“discover that you have no problems in your business, because you’ve seen what real problems are. The upsets you thought you had because your stock went down today tend to disappear when you carry a man with no legs to his bed, or when you cradle an AIDS baby in your arms.” ( :374)

“More people would contribute if they realized that they didn’t have to give anything up to do so. So do a little, and know that it can mean a lot. If everyone did this, fewer people would have to do so much, and more people would be helped!” ( :374)

“This is the ultimate test of our faith. We must trust that everyone in life is here to leam different lessons at different times, that good and bad experiences are only the perceptions of man. After all, some of your worst experiences have truly been your best. They’ve sculpted you, trained you, developed within you a sensitivity and set you in a direction that reaches out to impact your ultimate destiny.” ( :375)

“I don’t know about you, but I believe that what’s most important is not how long we live, but how we live.” ( :376)

“”Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tide and gravity, we shall have images for God the energies of love. Then, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” —TEILHARD DE CHARDIN” ( :377)

 


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